Nightmares, Storms, and Hope
by alternrockerchick
Summary: Sequel to Rain, Bets, and Food Fights! Riku's nightmares are really starting to mess with him, and it's up to Sora, Leon, and Cloud to fix him back up. Can they help him to recover before Riku is completely lost to them? Odd couple here, Uke Riku and Seme Sora. Violence, Language, and Yaoi warnings throughout. Both romance and family feelings through the whole thing.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay so I said I was ending the story before this (Rain, Bets, and Food Fights) but it appears that i'm not capable of just leaving this story be. So, I bring you the sequel to RBFF! This one **_**should **_**be focusing a bit more on romance, so if you aren't into that you may not want to read. And, yes, this is still Uke Riku. Weird, I know. But there is hardly anything with uke Riku and I find it oddly interesting... Anyway, onto the story. I hope you all enjoy! Warning: There is violence in this chapter. **

I opened bleary eyes and looked around, feeling a small amount of panic as only a vast amount of darkness surrounded me. My bed was gone, every sign of my room and my house was nowhere to be found, I couldn't even sense Leon or Sora. There was nothing but the sound of the heartless gathering around me, seeking to grab what was left of my heart. I froze, staring with wide eyes as they all crept forward with an effeciency that was not supposed to be seen from heartless. They were in formation, closing me in so that I had no hope of escaping...

I started to back up, feeling the panic rise as I tried and failed to summon my keyblade. I had no protection, and every step just had me stepping into decaying bones and corpses under my feet. I had no idea if it was human or heartless and I refused to look down to find out. I could only watch in horror as they crept up to me, seemingly multiplying with every step. Thousands of heartless turned into tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands, until all I could see was the light shining from every direction, blinding me.

At first I didn't feel the claws slicing into me, just heard a scream that I couldn't recognize as my own tearing through the darkness. It was an inhuman sound, full of pain and terror and pure _death. _It was as if they were pulling me apart, ripping skin from bones and I couldn't stand it, I screamed and struggled, begging for them to stop, retreat, let me go.

The only response was me being dragged to the ground, losing sight of all of the light as the swarming bodies covered me, all slashing and ripping apart my body to get to one thing- my heart. "Silly little Riku," The darkness murmured, drawing me further in, seemingly delighting in my pain. "You don't get to leave me. You gave into me, I can have you forever. Even better, it isn't just you I get to have now."

It seemed to sense the spike of panic and worry from me and the darkness rippled, seeming to giggle as I could feel something new drawing close to me. "You tainted others with your darkness. You have given me more toys, Riku. It isn't just you anymore."

"_Riku!" _The terrified and furious screams were right next to my bloody ears and I screamed, jerking away before the heartless around me forced me to turn. I tried desperately to resist the claws opening my eyes. I _knew _those screams, I couldn't stand to see it, I couldnt' see them... I couldn't. "Oh, I think you can, put them here, you owe them. Recognize their pain. See what you have done to them."

"Riku!" The sob was enough to force me to look, unable to resist his voice. "Why did you have to leave me, Riku? What did I do, why did you have to make me go through this?!" The scream died in my throat as I saw Sora, bloody and in worse shape than I. It seemed parts of him were entirely missing, dripping blood across the darkness to pool around me and my own blood. He reached a hand out and latched onto me desperately, bloody tears flowing as he held tightly to my shirt. "Please, please make them stop, Riku... I don't want to feel this anymore. I don't want it, I want to go back to the light..."

Before I could open my mouth to respond Sora was dragged away, screaming and reaching for me. The many heartless around me held me down, not letting me reach for the brunette as he was dragged away. There were a few moments of complete and total silence, but it was broken by the sickening thud of something falling just in front of me. There were several minutes of me searching in the darkness, dreading what I would find. "He was just trying to help you, Riku. You, the child who deserved nothing. The one who nearly killed everyone on your precious little islands. Look at what helping you has done to him."

There was a bright flash of light, and once my eyes could see clearly I jerked away from the body before me, shakily holding myself on all fours and emptying my stomach of its contents. Less than five feet away from Leon's dead body I vomited to the point of dry heaving, feeling my body trying to get rid of the image of Leon, trying to rid itself of the darkness that was soaking into my every pore. "Oh, Riku." The darkness cooed, ignoring my cringing as it crept in closer, so that all I could see or feel was the darkness. There was nothing else. No light, no feelings, no me. Just the darkness. "You could never escape me. I'm always here, with you. Always." I felt my throat tearing with another scream as the darkness turned into a physical force, trying to claw its way inside me through my mouth. I struggled, trying to fight it and stop it from filling me, but in seconds I was overwhelmed. I wasn't me anymore, I was just another puppet again, and in an instant I was standing over my little sister, the only one I had left. "Big brother?"

"Riku! Riku, come on, wake up! It's okay now, the darkness is gone, you can open your eyes." Leon's voice was somewhere above me and I cringed, feeling my stomach twisting again at the thought of his broken body. I couldn't see it again, I couldn't stand that... It was just another trick of the darkness, they wanted to watch me scream again...

There were arms wrapping around me now and I did scream, trying to force my way out of the hold. My entire body was trembling too badly to put up a fight and the darkness pulled me into it's hold, not letting me go. "Riku, please, open your eyes. You are okay, i've got you."

"Big brother? Why are you crying? Please don't hurt, Riku..." There was a little hand on my cheek and my eyes snapped open, my entire body tensing and struggling to get out of the darkness' hold on me to throw the shadow away. Not again, not so soon... I couldn't take it.

There was a sigh of relief from above me and before I could react I was pulled into a crushing hug, confused when I saw the long brown hair attached to the one hugging me. Just a moment later the ground below me dipped and there was a small body hugging me and crying. "It was just another nightmare, Riku. I don't know what you saw but... I'm here. I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

"L-leon?" I rasped, starting to regain some amount of sense. It had to be another nightmare... It felt so real, but Leon was alive and right in front of me. I reached up with shaking hands and started running my fingers down his head and back, searching for the wounds that I had just seen on him. Leon seemed to understand and didn't stop me, he just turned to my little sister.

"You can go ahead and get back to bed, big brother is okay now. I'll just tuck him in and then we can all get back to sleep, okay?" I didn't see her nod, but knew she agreed when her tiny little 'okay!' reached my ears. I flinched at her voice and didn't look away from Leon until I heard my bedroom door close behind her. There were several minutes of silence before Leon spoke again, and I could feel the guilt coming off of him in waves every time I cringed at his voice. "That was worse than normal, wasn't it?"

"Y-yea. I don't know what is wrong with me, Leon. Ever since I admitted to them, it's just getting worse. It _wants _to drive me crazy, I can feel it. I don't know how to fix it..."

Leon sighed and brushed the hair out of his tired eyes, looking down at me sadly. I tensed at his look and slowly crawled out of his lap, needing some sort of space to gather my thoughts. Leon understood the need and didn't reach for me, he just yawned and waited for me to speak again. "I'm sorry... Did I wake you up?"

He shook his head, motioning to his phone on the table beside my bed. "Cloud called to wake me up. I hung up when I heard you screaming and came in here."

"Wh-what was I doing? I've never had anyone see that, what do I do?" I asked, feeling a knot of dread. I hope he couldn't tell what I was dreaming of, I didn't need them knowing...

"Screaming, mostly." He told me, shoulders stiffening at the thought of it. It must have been pretty bad, then. "It sounded like you were dying, you kept begging for it to stop. And once I got in here to try to wake you up, you were struggling against me. You started crying and begged me to let you go, kept screaming my name.." He shook his head and leaned over, flipping another lamp on in my room. He seemed relieved when he saw how just the light was able to relax me a little. "It is okay now, Riku. Let's just go into my room, okay? You don't have to go back to sleep, but I think it would be better for you to get out of here."

I quickly nodded, wanting little more than to get out of this room. I knew it was just in my mind, but the room itself seemed to reek of darkness. "Y-yea, i'd like that." Before I could get off of my bed, Leon leaned over and scooped me up, holding me close.

I considered struggling against him but after a moment thought better of it. I was still shaking, and being able to feel his breathing reassured me that it really was a dream. Leon was here, he was alive, and he was strong. He could carry me easily, a dying man couldn't do that. And he, unlike the rest of me and my room, didn't smell of darkness.

I closed my eyes and focused on the sound of his breathing, able to read in the quickening of his breath that he was worried. Three months ago I wouldn't even admit I had these nightmares, and now I was willingly letting him carry me out of my room... I couldn't blame him for worrying about me, but it still bothered me. It would have been easier on him if he never moved here, if he'd never had to take care of me... If he didn't come to help me my scent of darkness wouldn't have tainted him.

I knew he was carrying me through the hallways, though I paid no attention to it. Instead I was counting his breaths, not noticing that I was mumbling the numbers out loud. I guess the sound of me counting amused him somehow, because I felt his chest rumbling under my head. I assumed it was a chuckle and didn't react much beyond that, only moving when I was set on a bed. My eyes snapped open and I looked around, realising he brought me into what was now his room.

I crawled onto the other side of the bed, motioning for Leon to sit next to me. He nodded and did as I asked, stretching out on the bed and watching me carefully. "You know..." I mumbled, staring down at the comforter under my fingers. "I haven't been in here since... Since me and Sora got back. I thought my parents would be in here waiting for me.. You've changed it a lot."

I felt more guilt from Leon and shook my head, having to cut him off before he began apologizing. "Leon, it is okay. I'm just saying it is different... You don't have to live your life here trying to be my parents, I understand that you aren't."

He understood that I didn't need any sort of reassurance and simply nodded, relaxing on the bed and stretching his arms out. After a few minutes of watching him I sigh and lay next to him, trying to keep some amount of distance between us. I almost chuckle as Leon rolls over and lands on me, pinning me to the bed. I remember doing the same thing to Sora not so long ago and smile at the memory. "Riku, you don't have to be afraid to be near me. I know we just started this actual brother relationship, but you know I'm here for you right?"

I nod, thankful that Leon's face is buried in the pillow next to my head. I'd hate for him to see how just saying that made a stupidly sad smile spread. "Y-yea, I know. And.. thanks for that, Leon. You didn't have to do that, but…. You saved my life doing that. And my sister's life too."

He shrugs, not noticing how the action bumps his shoulder into my chin. I frown as my chin is forced up and I nearly bite my tongue. "Hey, what are big brothers for?" He sighs and returns to his side of the bed, clearly doubting the way this conversation is going. Before he can start with more sappy stuff I roll over and lie my head on his stomach, pulling his blanket up around me.

"They are for pillows. So be a good pillow and let me try to sleep, kay?" I can feel his stomach rising and falling as he laughs and can't help a grin of my own.

"Sleep all you want, Riku. I'll be here when you wake." I mumble some sort of reply, able to fully relax only when Leon's breathing evens out. I stay awake for a while, just listening to the sound and thankful that it really was only a dream. Leon is okay, which means Sora is safe too. Leon's room and Leon himself are full of light, so I think for maybe just a few more hours this can hold of the darkness inside me. I'll never admit it out loud but… I'm safe here. I'm safe enough to sleep without the nightmares returning.


	2. Chapter 2

**I bring you chapter two. I'd like to recognize Moon Princess Airi for her part in getting this posted. I asked her if she thought a sequel to Rain, Bets, and Food Fights was a good idea and she voted yes. That was all I needed to actually post it. **  
**No real warnings in this chapter. I think language is about the extent of this one.**

"Cloud, come on. I told you I can't move. So shut up and let me hang up." Leon mumbles, whispering and hardening his stomach in an attempt to not move as he speaks. I blink slowly and try not to move myself, not wanting to wake up just yet. For the first time since the whole car fiasco I slept without nightmares, and I didn't want to end it so soon. "Well, if you must know, 'Ku fell asleep on me." There was some sort of mumbled reply and Leon huffed, making a small noise of apology as it bounced my head on his stomach. "It's weird, I know. But you heard that scream last night, right?" There was some sort of positive response from Cloud through the phone and Leon continues. "He actually let me take him into my room. He's been sleeping for twelve hours now, the poor kid probably hasn't slept properly in months…"

There was a little more talking between the two of them but I tuned it out, focusing instead on the rumbling coming from my own stomach. I was asleep that long? Was Leon really here the whole time? He must be just as hungry as I am.

"I don't know about that, Cloud… I know Sora is done with his classes for the day, but I'm thinking about having a day in over here. Everyone understands Riku is having some problems, most of the moms here would have no problem taking in his little sister for a weekend so we could try to get him a little more… normal."

I turn my head to face him at that, trying to glare but finding myself unable as I look up at him. He looks like crap. There are bags under his eyes, and with his hair messy and his clothes wrinkled he looks.. older. Tired. Was that because of me?

He doesn't react to my gaze, doesn't even notice that I'm looking. He's staring up at the ceiling and sighing as he listens to something else Cloud says. "Don't start that again, Strife. Listen, yea, you guys can come over. But if I say go, you go. Fair enough?" Leon seems to relax and I assume that Cloud tells him that is perfectly reasonable. "Give me at least an hour. I have to finish some stuff first." I can tell Cloud is asking about the things Leon has to do when he sighs and pulls at his hair. "I have to wake Riku up, make sure he's okay, pick his little sister up, make some sort of meal out of what little food we have, then I need to go shopping to get some food back in the house, make plans to have little sister go somewhere else, I've got plans to renovate Riku's room a little, I have to-" He seems to get frustrated again and sighs. "Look, I've got a lot of stuff to do. Give me an hour; I'll have half that list knocked out.

We both jump at the sound of the front door opening and Cloud's voice reaches us in the bedroom. "I have food and a kid! I picked Tachi up from daycare and swung through a drive thru." I can hear the sound of my little sister giggling with Sora and groan. The last thing I needed was both of them hearing about what I spent my night doing. Granted, I doubt Tachi would really understand, but she already knew I was hurting. "Huh, what do you know, Riku actually did sleep here last night." Cloud mumbled, chuckling at Leon's glare.

"Yes, and I'm sure your yelling woke him up!" Leon groaned, remaining still as I stretched and slowly sat up, yawning and rubbing at my eyes. "Hey, Riku, you okay?" He asked, watching my reaction closely to get a better read on me.

"Actually, yea, I am okay." I answered honestly, smiling a little as he grinned. "You look like crap, though. Are _you_ okay?"

Leon waves off my concern and finally stands from the bed, stretching and groaning as several bones can be heard popping. I flinch at the sound, not liking the images that it brings up, though no one notices. "I'm going to-"

"You are going to shower, Leon. I can manage everyone here. I'll also get a start on your chore list." He grinned as Leon attempted to oppose him, cutting Leon off before he could really get more than a single word out. "That is an order, Leon. Get your ass in the shower and cleaned up before I throw you in there myself."

That seemed to do the trick and Leon finally went to his dresser, pulling out some things for the shower. Once he was sure Leon would actually do as he said Cloud turned to me. "You ready to get up, Riku? Or you want to stay in here for a while longer?"

I frowned at the gentleness in his voice and quickly jumped out of bed, not wanting to have to watch the concerned look he kept giving me. I had a bad nightmare, but I've had them since the darkness first touched me. This wasn't anything new, they didn't have to act like I was some new delicate thing that needed to be protected.

I stiffen again as I realize I said that out loud, mumbling a curse. Cloud raises an eyebrow at that but after a moment nods. "Well, Riku, get your ass in your room and get into some regular clothes." I quickly nod at the order and do as he asks, thankful that at least he seems to understand. I run into my room, ignoring Sora and Tachi for a moment as I shut the door behind me. I make sure to lock the door, not trusting Sora to simply leave me be, and start digging around in the clothes scattered around my room. I haven't exactly slept very much in the past few months, so I wasn't really able to consider the problems that would arise from not ever washing clothes.

"Uhhh…." I search through the clothes and realize I have nothing clean, at all. That's just fantastic. Just as I'm trying to decide on the shirt Tachi spilled spaghetti on or the one she poured soda all over, my bedroom door is unlocked with the key Leon has. Cloud chuckles at my worried look and throws some clothes at me.

"Don't worry, I'm not Sora. I figured you wouldn't have anything clean, so here. Change and then get out here before your food gets cold." I nod and thank him, not making a move to change until the door has fully closed. I glance over the clothes and realize they are brand new. Cloud must have forgotten to take the tags off when he bought them for me…

I sigh and change into the clothes, trying to ignore the prices on the tags. This was the third time this month Cloud had done this, he'd probably spent more money than I ever want to know trying to keep me and Leon on track…

Once I'm fully dressed I find myself just standing in the middle of my room, staring at the clothes covered carpet. I've seen this every day for the past several months, but somehow today it shames me. I've let this happen to me, I let these nightmares mess with my life so badly I couldn't do the simple task of keeping my own room clean. I could visit Sora and act happy, but even those visits were tapering off. I haven't even spoken to my little sister in how long? It was disgusting…

I don't notice that anyone has entered my room until Sora's arms wrap around me from behind. Dimly I realize just how tall he's gotten and feel another twinge of sadness. He's only a few inches shorter than me now, perhaps three inches at the most. I never noticed how tall he was, and I hadn't noticed until now how strong he'd gotten. He's strong enough to keep my arms at my sides when I try to push him away.

"Riku." Even the sound of his voice shocks me, and in any other situation I'm sure he would have laughed at it. "Riku, it's okay. I promise that we can fix this. We'll clean your room from top to bottom and make sure it never gets like this again. I'll make sure you talk to Tachi, and I'll make it my job to visit you." When I shake my head he turns me around and forces me to face him, pulls me down the few tiny inches to set his forehead against mine. "Riku, let me do this. Let me help you." He seems so sad but so very determined, and It makes my heart hurt to see it. After a moment I nod and he kisses my cheek, smiling at me. "Okay. You have to go eat now, Riku. Cloud is going to get worried."

Again I find myself unable to say no and I leave him behind in my room, still staring at everywhere but the faces around me as I sink into an empty chair at the dining room table. When did I let myself fall so low that I brought down Leon with me?

I cover my mouth with a hand, feeling the urge to vomit rising up as I realize just what I said. I'm bringing Leon down with me, just like the darkness said. I'm really, seriously bringing Leon down with me. And in last night's dream the darkness clearly showed that if this continued I would only kill him. I felt sick, wanting nothing more than rip out every bit of the darkness inside me and rip it into shreds. I couldn't let it hurt the people around me, not the only people I care about…

"Riku!" I cringe at the sound of the shouts, holding myself tighter as Leon and Sora shout my name. It's too much like the dream; the darkness is trying to warn me, it really will happen…

There are two sets of arms around me not seconds later, two sets of hands yanking my arms away from me. It takes me a moment to realize that I was digging my nails into my cheeks and stomach, with thin cuts dripping just enough blood to leave red dots on my shirt. "Riku, what are you doing?" Leon asks, and I can feel that he's the one holding me tightest and trying to wipe away the tiny amount of blood on me. He doesn't accept my vague mumbling as an answer. I dimly hear Cloud talking to Tachi and moments later her little voice disappears.

I sigh and open my eyes, seeing both Leon and Sora watching me with worry. I push down the feeling of hatred and anger at myself for letting this happen. "I don't know, okay? I just… I thought of something and then I was going to be sick. I blacked out and I guess my grip tightened."

"What were you thinking of, Ku?" Sora asks, voice gentler than Leon's worried one. "Was it your room?"

"No, it isn't my room, Sora. Can we please forget this?" They don't seem to like the idea and I feel dread spreading, trying to paralyze me. "Please, Sora. " I hear the desperation in my voice but ignore it. Let them think what they want, I can't risk pulling them into this any further. "_Please _stop asking me about this. It's just my dream, I swear it's nothing real so please just stop."

He takes a step away from me and runs a hand over his face, seeming so much older than sixteen in that instant. I feel my heart twist just seeing him like that, and try to ignore the heat that plasters a blush across my cheeks. When did Sora grow up? Was it because of me, of what he's had to do?

"Leon, let him go. His food will get cold." Leon doesn't let go of me for several minutes, but after a look from Sora he does release me and steps away. Cloud suddenly appears again and leads him away, leaving me alone with Sora. Before I can speak Sora kneels next to my chair and forces me to look at him, only giving a slight smile as the heat returns to my face. "If I see you hurting yourself again we will talk about this, Riku. I won't lose you again. It's my turn to save you." He doesn't let me respond and sets a plate in front of me, motioning for me to eat. Only once I take the first chicken nugget from the plate does he turn away, easily navigating my kitchen. I can't look away from him as he easily reaches up to grab the dishes that just four months ago would have been too high for him.

"How… how long have you been getting tall? You are big now." Sora does fully grin at that, and I feel myself relaxing as he seems more of the sixteen year old boy he should be.

"This growth spurt has been going on about six months, maybe seven. I'm taller than mom now. And I'm almost as tall as you even without any shoes on. I bet if I put my old ones on I'd be just as tall as you, Riku." I'd missed six months of this? How is that possible?

"That's pretty amazing." I tell him, still unable to look away as he moves to the fridge door and has the ice dispenser in the door fill the glass. He reaches into the fridge and pulls out the soda, opening it effortlessly and fills the glass almost to the point of spilling over. He quickly sips the nearly overflowing bubbles, his grin still in place as he manages to avoid the mess. In just a few seconds he has placed the soda down in front of me and gives me an odd look. I frown at the broad shoulders in front of me and _refuse _to blush again. "And how strong are you?"

That question gets one of _those _grins. The ones where his whole face lights up and he has a trace of a smirk hidden in the seemingly innocent smile. He happily sits next to me now and holds up an arm, motioning for me to accept a challenge of arm wrestling. "Why don't you see for yourself?"

I'm a little disturbed by how easily he makes the offer but I force a smirk of my own, hoping the challenge might pull my mind from whatever fog it seemed to be stuck in. After a moment I nod and put my hand inside his, eyebrows shooting up at the size of his hands. Looks like I missed that too, his hands are slightly larger than mine now.

Sora laughs, letting the sound drop an octave just for a greater reaction from me. I frown and look away, refusing to let him see that he was indeed making me blush _again. _"Ready, Kuku?" I sigh and look back at the table, setting my elbow against the hard surface and nodding. At least I could wipe the stupid smirk from his face…

"Three, two, one, go!" Sora shouts, and immediately my eyebrows are raised again, a look of shock in place as I struggle to keep my hand from hitting the table right away. In my haste to keep from being defeated I raise myself from my seat a little, finding Sora can easily support the extra weight the action puts on his arm. He's still smirking that infuriating smirk and I can feel the blush returning as Leon and Cloud enter the room.

Cloud is the first to laugh at the scene and rolls his eyes as Sora finally starts to show some amount of strain. He's holding our hands straight up, and I start to grin as I see his smirk starting to waver. Maybe he couldn't hold it for too much longer than. If I could just push a little harder I'd be able to defeat him.

I threw my weight into my arm, changing the leverage of our hands in my favor. Cloud chuckles again at Sora's shocked look. His hand starts slowly sinking to the table and I feel my grin widening until Cloud speaks. "Stop playing around, Sora."

My smile completely disappears as Sora smirks widely, all traces of struggles gone. He stops my victory not even an inch away from the table and slams my hand back into the table, with much more force than little Sora was ever capable of. I feel the dull pain of the table and stare at him wide eyed. "It's just mean to play with him, Sora." Leon laughs, lifting my hand from the table and putting it against my forgotten glass of coke. I'd never admit it, but the ice actually feels good against it.

"Now eat your food, Riku." Sora tells me, grin not fading in the slightest as he stands from the table and ruffles my hair. "No more questions until that food is gone. I'll be chilling in your room with your ipod."

Both Leon and Cloud laugh when I obediently nod and put more food in my mouth. They say something that I'm sure is meant to embarrass me but I don't hear it. I can't decide what I think of Sora being stronger, seme-er, and nearly as tall as me. It's just weird, I'm not sure I know how to handle this.

"I said eat your food!" Sora calls from my room and I laugh, taking another bite out of the chicken nugget. He wasn't too different, just getting even with me. As long as they leave the dreams alone I can handle it.

**By the way, as far as the name for Riku's little sister… I did cheat a little. I remember reading somewhere that Riku's name meant land, right? Well a google search told me Tochi meant 'a piece of land', so I turned it into Tachi. Seemed cute enough for a little girl nickname.**


	3. Chapter 3

After they were sure that I was actually going to eat Cloud forced Leon to sit beside me and started fixing a plate for him as well. Leon wasn't pleased with this and kept trying to get Cloud to stop taking care of him, but Cloud didn't listen and in just a few minutes there was a burger and fries in front of Leon.

"If Riku can sit there and eat you are going to, Leon." Cloud ordered, going back into the kitchen to start looking through our cabinets. "How have you been eating?" He asked incredulously, staring up at the empty shelves. He yanked open every cabinet around the kitchen, coming up with a box of instant mashed potatoes that was half gone and a box of cheerios, which was the only thing Tachi would eat now.

Leon gave an embarrassed shrug as Cloud moved to the refrigerator, not finding anything better. There was a gallon of milk for Tachi and some sandwich meat that was starting to change colors, which was quickly thrown into the garbage by a disgusted Cloud. He raised an eyebrow at Leon, waiting for some sort of response to the state of our kitchen. "Well…" Leon mumbled, leaning back in his chair and trying to push some French fries onto my plate without Cloud noticing. "Tachi and Riku have food. Most days now he can't stomach anything with flavor, so that works for him."

I quickly nodded, trying to get Leon out of a little bit of trouble. Cloud shook his head again and threw the milk back into the fridge. "And what have you been eating, Leon? What do you take to lunch when you have to work? You told me you guys had food three days ago, you said I didn't need to bring any groceries because it was handled!"

I felt another twinge of guilt at Leon's look, knowing it meant he was hardly eating. "Do you think we can talk about this later, Cloud?" Leon asked, motioning for me to stop paying attention to them and eat. I took another bite of a French fry and kept my head down, but didn't stop listening. "I eat out every day I work; there is a little restaurant less than a mile away with cheap food. I eat, just like I made sure Ku and Tachi have _something."_

Cloud rolls his eyes and put the two boxes of food back into the cabinet. "You two are going to finish eating and then we are going to the supermarket. I get you two are having issues with these nightmares, that is understandable. But I'll be damned if I let you two waste away and stop living like normal people. You will eat and clean your rooms and do the laundry even if I have to be here every day to help you with it."

I jumped at Sora's voice from the doorway, trying to keep my eyes on my plate as he joined in. "I have no problem doing that. I can even drive Riku to school with me every day to make sure he goes. And then I'll just stay here for a while after school to deal with homework and cleaning and stuff."

Leon and I both shook our heads, and I couldn't help a faint smile as I noticed he was getting embarrassed too. "That really isn't necessary, Cloud." He started, making my grin grow as I saw his hand reaching for the gunblade that wasn't on his hip anymore. That was a nervous habit he hadn't quite lost yet. "I can handle this house; I've been doing it for a while now. I'm not some clueless kid who can't figure out what to do. I've just been a little distracted, that's all!"

Cloud didn't bother with a reply to that. Instead he and Sora took the seats across from us, both 'brothers' giving us matching glares. My attention was pulled away from Leon and Cloud as I started to squirm in my seat, not liking the scrutinizing gaze directed at me. "How long has it been since you slept, Leon? How long since you've had a full night's sleep, without waking up every twenty minutes to check on something?"

Leon stayed silent, not seeming to have an answer to that. Sora could see that I was starting to feel guilty again and tilted my head back to look at him. He gave me a small smirk and whispered his question to me. "How long has it been since you let me kiss you?"

Leon and I both struggled to answer our questions, and I tried to hide the blush that was quickly making itself known again. I had no idea how long that was! "Ma-maybe it's been two months?" I tried, watching as Sora shook his head.

"Three." He informed me as Cloud started questioning how long it had been since we had an actual cooked meal. I felt myself starting to panic as Sora's smirk grew and he leaned in closer. There was no way he was going to try to kiss me with Leon and Cloud _two feet away from us. _

He chuckled as I stared at him with wide eyes, not moving from my spot in the slightest. He didn't seem bothered by the panicked thoughts going through my head and leaned in until our lips were only an inch apart. I could feel his hot breath hitting my lips and seemingly against my will my mouth opened just a little, waiting for him to kiss me.

His smirk took on more of a teasing quality and he reached up, brushing a thumb against my lips as Leon and Cloud were bickering about equal chore divisions. I obediently opened my mouth wider, ignoring how the blush was spreading down my neck now. "S-sora…"

My heart did another flip inside my chest as Sora gave me one of _those _smiles. His eyes lit up and he barely brushed his lips against mine, grinning as I leaned forward in an attempt to connect us again. My eyes closed as I reached for him, wrapping my arms around his neck to pull him closer. Instead of his lips I was shocked to feel something rough entering my mouth and my eyes snapped open to see him putting a chicken nugget against my lips. He gave me a cheeky grin and kissed my furiously red cheek. "You need to finish your food before you get dessert, Riku~"

He grinned and pulled fully away from me, unwrapping my arms from around his neck and laughing at the pout I was unwillingly giving him. Why would he _do _that, it isn't fair. That should be _my _job.

The oblivious Leon and Cloud finally noticed us and I started stuffing the food into my mouth, refusing to look up from my plate. "Are you okay, Riku?" Leon asked, reaching over to put a hand over my forehead. He frowned when he felt the heat from my blush, and I could sense him starting to worry about me.

Much to my embarrassment, Cloud seemed to understand what was going on. He chuckled and pulled Leon's hand away from me, giving Sora an 'I'm watching you' look. "Relax, Leon. Sora is being Sora."

I was a little surprised by the glare that Leon shot Sora, and sighed as Leon yanked my chair next to his. Sora smirked and gave Leon a fake pout. "Aww, come on Leon, don't be like that. I don't say anything when you mess with _my _brother. Or, rather, when my brother messes with you."

Leon stiffened next to me and I couldn't help but grin a little. "Shut up, Sora! You have no idea what you are talking about!"

Cloud gave Leon a 'stop talking now' motion, trying to cover Leon's mouth. But apparently the damage was done. Sora's smirk grew to a width that seemed inhumanly possible and I felt a little sorry for Leon. "Oh, is that so? Care to explain why I hear you screaming every night you visit? And do I _need _to remind you about the time I caught you and Cloud in our kitchen, with Cloud-"

It was me that stopped Sora from talking. I did _not _need to hear any more about Leon and Cloud in the kitchen! I dove forward and slammed a hand over Sora's mouth, feeling the blush returning in full force. "I don't want to listen to that!"

I could feel Sora grinning under my hand and he grabbed onto my wrists, easily pulling me into his lap. Before I could get away from him he wrapped his arms around my waist and chuckled, setting his chin on my shoulder. "You really are innocent, Riku. It's cute."

"I am not innocent, that's ridiculous." I told him, crossing my arms over my chest and turning away from him as much as I was able. I heard a snort from across the table and was surprised to see Leon's unbelieving look directed at me. "What? I'm not!"

"Care to explain why you haven't stopped blushing since I touched you then? Or maybe why you hide your face every time I talk about kissing you?" I ignored all of the laughs as I did indeed look down again, covering my face with my hair so that I didn't have to see the looks I was getting.

Cloud and Leon rolled their eyes, mumbling their own forms of agreement with Sora's statement. "Let him up, Sora." Cloud told him, laughing at Sora's pout. "We are dropping Tachi off at Kairi's place and then we are going shopping for these two. Lord knows they can't buy real food…"

Sora laughed and shifted his hold on me, ignoring my indignant shouts of "I can walk by myself!" as he stood and carried me to the door. Leon and Cloud shared an exasperated look, both clearly having no clue what to do with Sora.

"Somebody grab his shoes, I'll drop him if I bend down to get them. We'll be waiting in the car for you guys." He told them, grin widening as he got to the front door. Leon and Cloud mumbled some sort of agreement and I felt Sora messing with the door knob in an attempt to get it open. There was a second where I thought he'd give up and actually let me walk, but the hope was short lived. Just a few seconds later the door swung open, and I found myself burying my face in Sora's jacket as the bright light temporarily blinded me.

"Hey!" I heard someone shout from across the street and I groaned. "Is Riku okay? I heard some yelling last night…"

Sora felt my body tensing in his hold and he quickly nodded. "Yea, Riku is fine. He left a horror movie on when he fell asleep last night, that's all. I warned him a million times to turn it down, but of course he didn't listen."

Our neighbor laughed, watching as I rolled my eyes. "Why aren't you letting him walk around?" The man asked, waving as Leon came outside carrying Tachi and my shoes. Leon barely acknowledged him and opened the car door, putting Tachi into her car seat and trying to explain why she couldn't wear her roller skates.

"Riku tripped on Tachi's skates. You know he's a klutz sometimes. He hurt his ankle and now I've got to lug him around."

He seemed to enjoy that explanation and I fought the urge to jerk away when our neighbor reached forward and ruffled my hair. "You be careful, Riku. Tachi needs her big brother in top condition. If you are staying up all night and tripping over her toys you won't be much use to her."

Sora backed away from the man, making sure we were far enough away that he couldn't touch me again. "I think he's pretty epic even if he is like that. Goodbye, we are leaving now." He cut our neighbor off from speaking again and ripped the car door open, finally letting me down so that I could get into the car. Sora made no move to get in himself until I was in the car and he closed the door on my side. He ignored everything our neighbor tried to tell him and jumped over the hood of the car, easily sliding into the backseat beside Tachi's car seat. She grinned and giggled, liking that Sora and I were with her. She quickly reached for our hair and we spent the entirety of the trip to Kairi's house shouting in pain as those tiny little fingers yanked as hard as they were able.


	4. Chapter 4

Kairi and her mother met us in their driveway, both grinning widely and waiting impatiently for us to get Tachi unpacked. I yanked my shoes on as Sora fought the restraints in her car seat, hoping to occupy myself long enough to avoid looking at Kairi or Mrs. Heart.

"Mommy!" Came the delighted giggle from my left and I couldn't help the sad smile at Tachi's reaction. Kairi gave a nervous laugh and tried to correct her, but we all knew it wouldn't help anything.. To Tachi, Kairi _was_ mom. Our real mom is long gone and Kairi was the closest thing she'd ever have again.

I jumped as two hands grabbed ahold of my own, resisting the urge to throw off the people touching me. Kairi drew her hand back quickly, but the larger hand around my left didn't let up. Tachi's car seat was removed from the car and I was pulled into the middle of the backseat, trying not to tense too much as Kairi and Sora took the seats on either side of me. "Riku, I'm so sorry…" Kairi whispered, setting her head on my shoulder and sighing. She looked pained and her face was starting to scrunch up, and I knew it wouldn't be long before she started crying.

"We both are." Sora told me, pulling me so that I was resting my head on his shoulder. I found myself unable to move between the two of them and stared at our shoes, shaking my head at their reassurances.

"You don't need to apologize for anything. Kai, you are the only reason Tachi is alive right now. It makes sense that she'd see you as her mom. She… she'll never have memories of our real mom. You and your mother are the only women who have ever taken care of her…" Kairi and Sora both wrapped their arms tighter around me, not noticing how I cringed at their closeness. I didn't want to deal with this in front of everyone. Leon, Cloud, and Mrs. Heart were right outside the car, pretending to give us privacy but listening to every word. This wasn't a setting I was willing to show any real emotions in.

Thankfully, Sora seemed to understand. He pulled me a few inches closer and kissed the top of my head, ignoring my attempt to push him off. Kairi gave us a wide grin, but before she could say anything Sora spoke. "Kai, we'll talk about this later, okay? Maybe you can come over sometime and we can have a moment without everybody listening in."

Kairi quickly nodded and leaned further against me, not even trying to pull me out of Sora's grip. With a bit of a stretch she kissed my cheek and gave me a sad smile that I couldn't bring myself to look at. "Take care of him, Sora." Sora nodded and promised that he was doing just that. Kairi seemed pleased with his answer and crawled out of the car, trying to hide a few tears from me. Seconds later Leon and Cloud were getting back into the car, trying to figure out if they were going to mention anything about my parents or Tachi.

Eventually they decided to remain silent and Cloud started the car, backing out of the Hearts' driveway and merging onto the main road that would take us to the closest supermarket. I made no effort to move away from Sora this time, and he let us pretend that I stayed where I was because the arms around me where holding me down. Against my better judgment I felt myself relaxing against Sora, nearly lulled to sleep by the sound of Sora's breathing and the traffic around us.

I closed my eyes and sighed contentedly, barely listening as Cloud, Leon, and Sora's voices started to drift off. I felt myself falling asleep and let it happen, knowing that with Leon and Sora next to me I'd be able to spend the short trip trying to catch up on all of the sleep I'd been missing.

"_You still think you are safe just because he's holding you?" _The darkness asked, purring as it circled around me. _"There is only one way to be rid of me forever. Until you do that I'll keep coming back."_

"There is a way to end this?" I asked, feeling a grin starting even as I knew not to get my hopes up. "J-just tell me what it is! How do I get rid of you?"

The laugh from the darkness shook the very world around me, and I struggled to remain standing and hear the words that the darkness was speaking. I was unbelievably giddy at the thought of getting rid of this. _"You just have to get rid of all of me. I'm surprised you didn't think of it before. Oh, I shouldn't be telling you this. Bad darkness, bad." _

"N-no, keep telling me! How am I supposed to get rid of you? Tell me!" The darkness seemed to withdraw and I screamed in frustration, searching around me for the source that was the conscious darkness that would answer me.

I wasn't prepared for the dark tendril that came hurtling out of the darkness, slicing into my arm and leaving a trail of blood as it quickly retreated. I growled and demanded that the darkness answer me, but the only response I got was another gash across my arm.

After several minutes of this I was unable to stand and felt my body slam into the ground, the blood quickly pooling around me. My eyes widened as I saw what seemed to be darkness evaporating from my spilled blood. Could the answer really be as simple as that?

"_You had the idea to do it this morning, but they stopped you. You'll have to hide it better if you want to be rid of me, Riku." _The darkness told me, gently reaching out and setting me back on my feet. I gasped as all of the cuts on my body disappeared and the darkness left yet again, leaving me in an empty room. There was a small cord dangling in front of my eyes and I gently pulled it, squinting as my dream was filled with real, good light for the first time in months. _"See how easy it is? What is the worst that could happen?"_

I shrugged, grinning again as the darkness faded more still. "Nothing. It'll get rid of you soon, darkness. And I'll do it without hurting Sora!"

**This one is short, I know, but at least the story is still moving forward! As always, thank you very much for reading. I do hope you enjoy it so far.**


	5. Chapter 5

I woke without the terror and confusion that came with my usual nightmares. I felt the face splitting grin as I stretched out across the back seat, barely noticing Sora's lap under my head. His face was only inches from mine as I opened my eyes, and his smile grew to unimaginable widths just because I looked at him. I felt my heart flip again and tried to ignore it, sitting up and wrapping my arms around him in a hug. It felt _so _good to know there would be an end to this. I couldn't believe it was that simple, I could have it fixed in a matter of days! And then Sora wouldn't have to worry about me anymore, and Leon wouldn't die…

Sora laughed as I hugged him and he pulled me closer, setting his chin on top of my head. "If you are like this after every nap I want you sleeping more often." He told me, running his fingers through my hair as he spoke. "I like being like this."

I nodded in agreement but after a few minutes of silence found myself growing embarrassed. Every sound outside of the car made me tense, expecting someone to look in on us and make some sort of disgusted expression. So in much too short a time I backed away from Sora, retreating to my side of the back seat. "So, where are Leon and Cloud?"

He sighed and ran a hand through his spikes, nodding towards a supermarket. "You were sleeping on me so I told them I wasn't moving. They went in about an hour ago. I gave them a list of your favorite foods, so you'll be well fed soon enough."

I rolled my eyes at his concern and Sora laughed again. "You want to go in after them? I'm not sure leaving those two alone in a store is a good idea. They get into arguments too easily." I told him, reaching for my door handle and starting to open it. Sora huffed and grabbed my hand, not letting me go.

"Riku, if you don't want to be in the car with me, tell me. It's okay. But they are big boys; I think they can do a little grocery shopping." He told me, frowning at me when I started laughing.

"Leon has pulled his gunblade on a cashier before. I really don't think they can shop like normal people."

Sora sighed again and let go of my hand, letting me open my door. "Fine, let's make sure they don't get into trouble." He mumbled, reluctantly getting out of the car. I nodded and slid out of my seat, frowning as the bright sun reflected off the wet parking lot. It had been raining when I was in the car, I could tell. Maybe that is why Sora didn't wake me up…

Sora, not realizing I wasn't following behind him, was already across the parking lot and standing at the door by the time I finished stretching. "Sora?"

He froze with a hand on the door, spinning quickly and seeming worried for a minute before he spotted me in the parking lot. He frowned and motioned for me to join him, backing up to stand in the shadow of the building while he waited.

I checked for cars coming through the parking lot and quickly ran across the lot, giving Sora a confused look when he kept looking around for something, or someone. "Uh, Sora? What are you looking for?"

"You remember that play your little sister did? The one about us, the adventures we went on, and how I'm some kind of hero now?" I nodded and he sighed, running a hand over his face. "Well, people have been taking that a little more seriously lately. Why do you think it has been months since we hung out anywhere public?"

Maybe because I was freaking out every night and couldn't even remember to brush my hair most days, much less leave the house… "Uh, so are you saying you are watching for fans or something?"

I was very amused to see Sora's cheeks taking on a faint pink tint and tried not to grin, instead keeping a more curious look as he glared at me. "Don't say that, it sounds stupid. I just want to walk through a store with _you. _Not with you and anyone who saw the play, any of its spin-offs, or goes to our school. They'll stop me from doing what I want."

"Well… Let's just go inside then." I told him, opening the door quickly and stepping inside the air conditioned store. I shivered as the cold air blasted us and hoped it made the heat in my cheeks go down. Even if Sora was overreacting it was still weird to hear him talking like that.

He followed me into the store and quickly took my hand, pulling me out of the entryway and towards the food department. He was grinning widely and I assumed he saw the blush that came back, but I tried to ignore that and focus on finding Leon and Cloud. While I may have exaggerated about how dangerous Leon could be in a store, I didn't doubt they would find some way to get kicked out.

"Hey, Sora!" The yell from behind us made Sora cringe and I frowned as a hint of anger flared inside me. "Oh my gosh, hey!" The girly voice got louder and I turned as much as Sora's grip on me would allow, watching as a black haired girl came bounding up to us. Sora tried to pull us away from her and into the freezer isle but she caught up, grabbing onto his other hand and giving him a wide grin. He didn't seem pleased with that, but he didn't shove her off like we both knew he could. Instead he turned to her, blocking me from her view. "You are so mean, Sora!" She told him, giggling.

"Sorry, Samora…" He mumbled, pulling his hand out of her grip and giving her a smile. I felt a small amount of satisfaction as I noticed it was a fake one. She didn't get the real ones like I did. "So, uh, what did you stop me for?"

"Well can't I talk to you? You ran out of school as soon as the bell rang, I didn't get a chance to see you at all today!" She pouted at Sora and looked shocked at a growl we all heard. I didn't notice until Sora grinned at me that I was the one who did it. "Oh, hey Riku!" She greeted me, seeming to just notice that I was standing next to Sora. She pushed Sora out of the way and hugged me, not seeing our linked hands yet. "Don't worry, I didn't forget about you."

"Who _are _you?" I asked, trying to keep another growl out of my voice as she hugged Sora too, so he wouldn't feel bad. "I have no clue who you are or why you are touching me."

Sora frowned at my tone, but it actually seemed to please the girl. "Oh, I'm Samora. I'm in Sora's classes, we are best friends!" I raised an eyebrow at that, staring silently at her. Her grin widened at my look and I tried to keep from seeming too confused. "You are just as scary as everyone says, that is so cool! I get why so many girls like you now."

"Okay!" Sora laughed nervously and grabbed me by the shoulders, pulling me closer to him so he could make sure I didn't try to summon a keyblade or anything. "It's been nice talking to you, Samora, but Riku and I really need to get some shopping done."

Samora laughed again, pleased with Sora's reaction. "You don't need to worry, Sora. The silver hair makes him look too old for me." She told him, ignoring my shocked look and the arm that jerked forward to grab her scrawny neck. My hair did _not _make me look old! Sora grabbed my arm and forced it at my side, trying to get the girl to stop talking. She didn't listen, of course. "Besides, you are my favorite anyway. I always liked you the best."

This time she did seem a little worried by my growl. "Bye, Soso! Bye, Riku." She giggled again and ran off, presumably to find her parents somewhere. I ignored the pain thinking of parents caused and tried to pull my arm away from my side, wanting to hit the little brat. She thought I looked _old?_ And she liked Sora? That was not acceptable.

I ripped myself out of Sora's grip when there were chuckles behind us, making Leon and Cloud both raise their eyebrows at me. "You seem pretty worked up over that." Leon observed, grin fading. "Did she say something I didn't hear?"

Sora laughed and grabbed me again, ignoring the warning growl we both knew was fake. "Nah ,he's just a little upset. Don't worry, Ku. Your hair makes you look girly, not old." He grinned and kissed my temple, whispering into my 'girly' hair as he did. "You really don't have to worry, Riku. I love you your weird silver hair, I love how jealous you are right now, and I love _you_."

Leon and Cloud both grinned at my shocked look, rolling their eyes and not understanding what Sora said. He said he loved me. _Loved. _He wasn't supposed to say stuff like _that. _What was I, a girl? "I, ah, I mean, you…"

Sora's grin widened and he took my hand again, pretending he didn't hear Leon's grumbling about how touchy he was getting. "Are we going to buy something or have you guys spent this whole hour messing around?"

Cloud rolled his eyes and motioned to a full shopping cart only a few feet away. My eyes widened at the massive amount of food piled into the basket, how was this supposed to fit in our house? "I think we made pretty good time. That should feed everybody for a while, hmm?"

I nodded without a word, trying to resist the urge to reach out and grab some of the fruit from the shopping cart before we even bought it. It had been a while since I had anything that wasn't fast food or came out of a box, I couldn't look away from the fresh food covering the top of the basket. I couldn't remember a time where a simple apple looked so tempting, even when I had been starving in the darkness. "There are some surprises buried in the middle of that, but you two are not allowed to see them until we are home." Leon told us, walking behind the basket and pushing the massive thing forward. Cloud quickly fell in step with him, setting a hand on the basket to help keep the burdened cart under control. We didn't acknowledge Cloud's hand brushing over Leon's, and they didn't say anything about the fact that Sora still hadn't let go of my hand. We stayed pretty silent until we got to the lines in the market.

"Why does it always have to be so busy?" Leon groaned, joining in on the group sigh as we stared at the many, many people lined up to purchase groceries.

"Because you guys don't know to do your shopping at four AM." Sora told them, pointing out what seemed to be the shortest line. "There is pretty much no one here then, and this _is_ a 24 hour store, so you could just come in after everyone is asleep." Leon moved through the crowds to get to the line, cursing when a basket got into place just before his.

"Sora? You are actually shopping with your brother?"

My eyes narrowed towards yet another female voice directed at Sora, not relaxing when it was one of his teachers. She smiled brightly at him, backing away and actually letting us get in front of her. "That's sweet. It's hard for me to ever get my children to go shopping with me, they all just expect me to know what to buy." I frowned when she laughed and reached forward to ruffle Sora's spikes. "Go on in front of me, honey. Every minute I'm away from home is a bit like a vacation anyway."

Sora's grin widened as Leon moved our cart into place. "Thanks! That's pretty awesome of you, Mrs. Shion." He tightened his grip on my hand as he pulled me into line and turned around to face his teacher.

"Hey, Sora is here?" A voice ahead of us asked. This time the voice was male and held no suspicious tone, so I didn't bother glaring. A man at least a head taller than Leon turned around, nodding as he saw Sora. "My kid was in one of those plays about you. She played Kairi. So, that stuff have any truth to it?"

Sora shrugged, looking away a little nervously. People were starting to turn around to listen and see us talking, and it was a relief to see I wasn't the only one getting a little uncomfortable. "Well, yea, a lot of it is…"

The man nodded and grabbed our cart, pushing back hard enough that Leon, Cloud, Sora, and I all stumbled back. He laughed at our shocked faces and apologized as he backed his cart out of the small check out isle, and motioned for us to take his place. "Well, go on ahead then, kid."

Sora nodded, his cocky grin coming back as he pushed Leon out of the way. He started to push the cart into line, but was stopped by someone else volunteering to step back for us.

I jumped as the old woman touched my shoulder, smiling up at me. "And let's not forget Riku." She said, hand gripping my shoulder tightly. She stared closely at me for a minute, seeming to search for something in my face. After a moment she seemed to find it and she nodded, stepping away from me. "He's deserving of the hero treatment as well. Go on, boys, pay for your things and go home."

"You don't have to do that, ma'am." I told her, trying to make her step back into line. Too many people were watching us, putting me on the same level as Sora for being a hero too. "We don't want to make you wait too long, and-"

"He means to say 'thank you'." Leon said from beside me, pushing me to the front of the line as Cloud and Sora started piling our things up to be scanned. The woman smiled again and laughed.

"I understand what he means." She told Leon, looking back at me for a moment. "You take care of yourself, young man. Trials don't end after the adventure is over, you know."

My entire body tensed quickly enough that Leon yanked his hand off of me, looking down with concern. There was something about the way she spoke, how the sentence ended in a purr as she was talking about difficulties..

She gave me a sad smile and leaned forward, hugging her frail arms around my neck. "You'll never be rid of me, Riku. Who knows, it might be too late for the trick you learned earlier to work." Her grip tightened when I tried to get away from her, and I knew in an instant who she was. I was still asleep, this was a dream. I _knew _I couldn't have a dream without the darkness scaring me!

"Thanks for letting us get in front of you, ma'am." Sora's voice was far away, and I found it difficult to focus on it. All I could feel was the darkness pouring out from the woman now, curling inside a pit in my stomach that made me want to vomit. I gagged and tried to pull away again but the seemingly frail arms held me still, the cold breath still whispering promises of my demise in my ear.

There was more muffled sounds around us, but I didn't hear them. "You will die, you will die, youwilldieyouwilldieyouwilldie…." The entire world was silent except for the raspy breath in my ear, and I could feel my body starting to tremble because of it. The darkness never toyed with me like this, something really bad was going to happen in this dream… I needed to find some way out, but I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything but feel the darkness twisting inside my stomach, making me gag again. No amount of struggling against the woman against me loosened her hold in the slightest. I was stuck, I couldn't get out, I was going to die in this dream too…

"Riku!"

I held back a scream as something grabbed onto my shoulder, pulling hard enough to nearly dislocate it. I fell back against a chest behind me and didn't move, unable to look away from the old woman. "Oh, the poor boy must be ill!" She told the people who were staring at us. "He nearly collapsed. It's a good thing these old bones still have some strength in them, hmm?" There were nods around us, but the world still remained silent. No one else noticed the smirk she aimed at me, and I watched in horror as dark tendrils retreated back into the shadows. I don't understand, why is the darkness toying with me like this?

There was a buzzing in my ear and I tried to swat it away, but my arms still wouldn't obey orders. I could only lean against the chest behind me, watching the woman. I stood in place for what I assumed to be several minutes, struggling to understand the buzzing before something finally came through. "-are you doing, Riku?" A voice beside me asked, startling me with its loudness. With that sentence making sense all of the noise around us came back, making me flinch against the chest behind me. After a moment I realized the voice was Sora. "Come on, Riku. Please. You are starting to freak me out."

I shook my head, backing up further against him as the woman stepped closer to us. "Wh-why am I not waking up, Sora? Wake me up, wake me up now before it gets to the bad part, _please._" She grinned again and reached forward, wrapping her hand around my wrist and squeezing. Sora tensed behind me as he felt my struggles and he was the one to rip me away from her.

"Cloud, we'll be in the car." Sora mumbled, dragging me away from the grocery line. I heard several murmurs of 'Poor boy, this whole thing must have been much harder on him' as I was forced outside, but the rest of the words were blocked when Sora started talking again. I couldn't pay attention to his words, but tried to focus on the sound of his voice as he dragged me through the store. The darkness was still coiled in my stomach, and every time I stumbled it would rise up like it was trying to escape. The only thing that calmed it in the slightest was Sora's voice, but even that wasn't working very well.

I didn't see the exit to the building but knew the door wasn't far from us. I could hear the cars honking along the road, pedestrians shouting, and the sighs of relief as people entered the building.

I felt the bump when Sora forced the door open against his shoulder and finally found the ability to move my arms. One hand pressed itself against my stomach and the other covered my mouth, willing the darkness that the woman put there to stay down. It didn't seem to work, because every step closer to the car made the urge worse and worse. "Riku, please stop doing whatever this is. Are you hurt?" Sora asked, the concern starting to really peak in his voice. I didn't comment as his voice cracked, I only tightened the grip around my mouth.

Sora cursed and shifted his hold on me, picking me up for the second time today. I didn't react in any way other than laying my head against his chest again, cringing as the hot sun started beating down on us. The honking of horns told me that Sora walked right through the parking lot to get to our car, and I felt a small amount of relief as my back was pressed against the hot metal of our car. At least I wouldn't have to move again, that would make it easier to keep the darkness down…

I cringed as Sora set me back down, assuming my body weight against the car would be enough to keep me upright. He took a step back from me to pull out his cell phone, and my legs immediately buckled since I didn't have control of them yet. As he was telling Leon to get out here _now _I hit the pavement, catching myself with my hands. I heard the whimper of pain but didn't recognize it as my own.

"Leon, he's sick or something!" Sora shouted into the phone, kneeling beside me to help me back up. I quickly shook the hands off of me, realizing too late how much the movement was affecting me. There was another pained sound that I knew was definitely mine, and I started vomiting in the parking lot with Leon on speaker-phone.

I started coughing violently and squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to see the darkness coming back up. I flinched as Sora's cold fingers hit the back of my neck, gathering all of my hair away from my face as my body started trying to empty my stomach again. I felt my body tense and curl against itself with the urge to give in, but I refused to vomit in public in front of Sora, and balanced myself on one hand so that I could cover my mouth again.

My eyes were still closed but I heard from the quick footsteps and jingling keys that Leon was fast approaching. As soon as the footsteps stopped there was a strong hand on my back and I cringed as he started rubbing circles into it, trying to relax me. I shook my head and tried to move away from him, not wanting to relax. I was _not _going to be sick in front of them, not again, it was all the darkness' fault anyway… I just needed to wake up. If I could wake up it would be over…

"Riku, this isn't a dream so you may as well get it over…" Leon mumbled, confirming that I did in fact say that out loud. I was surprised he could understand me when my mouth was covered.. "It's okay, Ku. Just let it go."

Sora sighed when I shook my head again. "Riku, stop being stubborn. If you'd just let it happen it would be over. Please, you are scaring me."

The wavering in his voice is enough to make me release my mouth and reach for him, clutching at his arm with a shaking hand. I can't bring myself to look at him or Leon, but my tight grip and the trembling I can't control portrays my message easily enough. I'm scared too.

My hair is released for a moment and I flinch as the strands fall back into my face, the small movement enough to make me want to vomit again. I gasp as I'm pulled back to rest on something, and I can tell without opening my eyes it is Sora. I can hear his breathing and smell the shampoo he was using and feel the muscles of his chest under my head, and know it is him. Leon's hands disappear and are replaced by Sora's. Against my will he manages to relax me, rubbing circles into my back and mumbling promises about what will happen once I finally do let it go.

It still takes several minutes of blubbering from me and struggles to hold everything back before I jerk away from him, groaning as I'm on all fours again and emptying my stomach onto the pavement. I can't recognize the sounds coming from me as my own- they are pained whimpers, pleas for help, and pathetic little sounds that make Sora's grip around me tighten and mumble more apologies.

I spend what has to be only five minutes vomiting before I find my stomach completely empty, yet I still can't get up. My body still heaves, trying to expel the darkness that I _know _is there. I can't fight the urges anymore and I can hardly breathe as I try to push harder, to force the darkness out.

Sora notices that nothing more is coming up and he pulls me back into his lap, sitting just a few feet away from the mess I made. I can hear a muffled 'what the fuck' in the distance as Cloud approaches the car with all of the groceries but I ignore it, trying to hold back the whimper as I curl into Sora's lap. There is a cloth pressed against my mouth and Sora quickly wipes me off, one hand still rubbing circles into my back and working on calming me down. I've nearly fallen asleep again when Cloud opens the cars boot and starts cramming groceries in. The sound of the loud plastic bags makes me flinch and Sora sighs, leaning against the car and not loosening his grip on me in the slightest. "Why won't you let me wake up, Sora?" I mumble, groaning as Leon's door slams shut behind me. He joins Cloud at the back and they quickly start trying to finish with putting the groceries into the car so we can get home faster. "I don't want to dream anymore, please… I know what happens next…"

"What is supposed to happen next, Riku?" He asks, and I find myself latching onto his words as the only thing keeping me awake. I couldn't sleep, it would be too dangerous. What would happen if I let the darkness pull me into a dream inside of this one? I couldn't risk it.

"The darkness is going to come back, like it was in the old woman.." I moaned, hand going back over my stomach like I could still feel the darkness curled up there. "It will make me want to die and then it will take you. You'll beg me for help and want to go back to the light but I can't help you, I never can…" The sickening 'thud' sounds of Leon's dead body came back into my memory and my trembling increased significantly, I couldn't properly clutch at Sora's shirt anymore. "And then they'll kill Leon. A-and his dead body will be right there…" I buried my face in Sora's shirt, pointing weakly to the space just in front of us. "Please don't let it happen, wake me up. You've never had the chance to do it before, maybe you can…" There was a part of me that was cringing at how pitiful I sounded, but I quickly forced that down. This was a nightmare, the darkness was in the store and a real person that could find me anywhere. It didn't matter what dream Sora heard, as long as he could get rid of the nightmares.

"Riku, do you want to wake up?" Leon's voice was right beside my ear but I was too exhausted to do anything more than nod, holding back another whimper as I realized he was standing right where his dead body would hit. "Open up. I've got something that will help you wake up." Leon sounded incredibly sad and worried, and I cringed at the emotion in his voice. If he sounded like that I couldn't have much time left…

I shook my head, knowing the game darkness played. If I gave the darkness an opening it would come in. "Come on, Riku. If you drink this you'll wake up. You will be at home with me and Sora and Cloud, and you won't be hurting anymore. Please."

After another moment's hesitation I decided I'd let the darkness try the trick, I had to take whatever chance I could to wake up. I slowly opened my mouth, refusing to open my eyes and watch as the darkness forced its way into me.

I gagged as a cold, bitter liquid went down instead, opening bleary eyes to see a very upset Leon holding a bottle. I couldn't see the label but knew it had to be some sort of medicine. A sense of unease gripped me and I clutched at Sora's shirt, getting dizzy with how quickly I turned my head to look at him. "S-sora?"

"It's alright, Riku." He hugged me close again and rocked back and forth, and I frowned as I swore I heard a sniffle from him. Dream Sora was crying? "Just go to sleep, okay? That is how you wake up from this nightmare. You sleep and then the darkness can't find you." His words did little to reassure me as I felt my eyes fluttering shut. I felt the panic starting to build again and struggled against Sora, unable to change his grip on me in the slightest. I tried to scream but couldn't find my voice, I could only listen as Sora promised me this time I'd be sleeping without any dreams at all, good or bad.

And no matter how hard I tried to struggle against it, I could feel sleep coming for me. My limbs were too heavy to move and I could hardly understand Sora's words through the fog my brain was in. I couldn't speak at all anymore, could only hear the whimpers and wordless pleas as I begged them to save me.

My last thought as the drug induced sleep overwhelmed me was I can't handle this. The second I could be alone I was going to get rid of the darkness once and for all, I swear it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, this story isn't going the way I originally planned. But oh well, at least it is progressing. This chapter will be in Sora's Point of View. **

"Sora, you have to get up." Cloud told me for the fifth time, trying to force me to stand. Riku made a little noise of unease from my lap and I shoved Cloud away, growling at him. There was no way I'd risk waking Riku up, he was too terrified when he was awake.. I couldn't watch that happen again. "Sora, come on. It isn't good for him to be out in the sun like this, right? Don't you want to make his sleep a little more comfortable? It will last longer if you do."

"I can't move, Cloud." I told him, finally looking up at him. It had been ten minutes of this, him trying to force me to move and me too scared to listen to him. One look at him confirmed that I wasn't overreacting. Though he was trying to hide it I could see how he was freaking out too.

"What's wrong, why can't you move? Do you need help?" He asked, alarm showing again as he thought both Riku and I were having problems. I quickly shook my head and pulled Riku's sleeping body closer to me.

"If he wakes up I won't be able to handle it. I've never seen him like this, Cloud. Even when the darkness was controlling him and our homes were gone… He didn't even react like this when he figured out his parents were dead."

Cloud sighed and ran a hand over his face, leaning against the car and staring up at the sky. The clouds were starting to darken and I could tell there was going to be a storm soon, and just like it used to the thought gave me a sick feeling in my stomach. I hate these storms so much…

"I'll take him from you." Leon told me, speaking in a tone rougher than normal in an effort to hide how upset he was. I hid a wince at how rough he looked, thinking for a moment that maybe Riku's dreams weren't too off. Leon looked ten years older than the twenty-seven he was supposed to be, and it seemed that he wasn't too far off from working himself to death over us. How long _had _it been since he slept? "Sora, let go of him. I'm taking Riku now." His voice lost any traces of gentleness and when I didn't respond quickly enough he grabbed onto my wrist, twisting painfully until I let go of Riku.

The second I released him Leon bent over, carefully lifting the silverette and holding Riku against his body. He mumbled something to the sleeping Riku that I couldn't hear, dropping his voice back to low gentle tones as he whispered into Riku's ear. It seemed to keep him calm and I find myself relaxing slightly when it seemed Riku wasn't going to wake up. "Cloud, move him."

Cloud nodded and grabbed the wrist Leon didn't hurt, yanking me up and out of Leon's way. Cloud caught me when I stumbled and then he reached around me to open the car door for Leon, letting him get into the back seat with Riku. Leon mumbled his thanks and set the sleeping Riku in his lap, not bothering with the seatbelts. The second Leon was settled in Cloud closed the door as quietly as he could and turned to me.

"Sora, I need you to pay attention to me. Are you listening?" He waited until I nodded, giving me a look I couldn't quite recognize. "I get you are freaked out, believe me I do. But you have to do something for me. I need you to pretend you never saw that. We have to be able to function normally, because Leon can't and Riku sure as hell isn't capable. Do you hear me?" Again I nodded, but I couldn't quite see how I was supposed to be able to act normal when Riku was begging me to save him.

Cloud sighed as he saw the doubt across my face and he grabbed me by the shoulders, turning me to fully face him. "Sora, if we can't act like Riku is going to be fine he won't be. I've dealt with this kind of thing before. The darkness doesn't like when you try to pull away from it. It is _vital _that we stay strong. You will be Riku's main focus in this because you are most important to him. And if you show you are afraid, or that you think things won't come through, it will hurt him. It's impossible to handle this without your light."

As I'm about to ask Cloud how he knows this, I remember the first time we met. I was only 14 then, having to face down the then twenty-two year old Cloud. We fought, and when he had the chance to kill me he didn't. Instead we actually became something like allies, working together later on. He told me that he'd fallen into darkness back then, and that he was searching for his light… Could it be possible that whatever was happening to Riku happened to Cloud at one point too?

He seemed to know what he was talking about, so I knew I had to listen. I couldn't let how freaked I was show; I had to keep Riku as safe as possible. So I let out a sigh, allowing myself one last minute of being worried. Cloud understood and pulled me into a hug, ignoring the sound of surprise I made that was muffled by his chest. I relaxed against him and hugged him tightly, letting him whisper the words that I desperately hoped were true. "He's going to be okay, Sora. He's stronger than I was back then, and he has us. He doesn't have it easy but he will pull through. This is his Sephiroth. He just has to beat it."

I nodded, ignoring the knot of dread I still felt in the pit of my stomach. This wasn't going to be easy on Riku, and I had no idea to help him…

But it didn't matter how hard it was, all I cared about was making Riku okay. How many times have I told him already that I'd fix him? And how much has he already gone through trying to make up for what he had done? It really was his turn to be taken care of. He needed to just focus on being better, on finding his light and recovering from the darkness. I wanted a chance to prove I was the stronger one, and this was that chance.

"Okay. We need to get Riku home and in bed. Once he and Leon are settled in we are going to leave the room and you'll explain to me everything you know about what is going on in Riku's head." Cloud sighed, obviously about to argue against what I said. I stepped out of his arms and didn't bother to hold back the angry growl that surfaced, ignoring the little bit of satisfaction when Cloud jumped at the sound. "That wasn't a request, Cloud. You _will _tell me everything you know so that I can help my Riku. You are the one that said I needed to be strong, and now I am. And I will not hesitate to use this strength against you to get every bit of information out of you if you even think about holding back."

I turned away before Cloud had the chance to respond, feeling a little worried when I realized I really did want to force information out of him now. He was the only one who had gone through anything similar to what Riku was dealing with, and I wanted to wrap my hands around Cloud's neck and squeeze until he gave in and told me everything.

I ripped the passenger side door open with shaking hands, barely glancing back to spit the command to drive at Cloud. He gave me a strange look, seemingly unable to decide if he was happy or wanted to kill me, before he decided to listen and get into the car. By the time he got in I was already buckled up and listening to Riku's breathing in the back seat in an attempt to calm down. Both men seemed to understand I needed silence and we spent the entire ride home without speaking. I barely noticed the passing streets and houses, knowing only a profound sense of hatred for every single stop sign and red light that kept me from getting to the bottom of Riku's problems faster.

By the time we got to Riku's house my hands shaking had increased, and I was fidgeting in my seat. I needed to _do _something. Riku was sleeping in the back seat, waking up any minute, and then he'd be suffering again and I had to do something to fix it. The tension of just waiting, even for the short drive to his house, was killing me.

The second the car got into the driveway I yanked my seatbelt off, rolling out of the car before it had even stopped. Cloud wasn't pleased with me but I couldn't care less about the concern he was showing at the moment.

I was standing at Leon's door as the car shut off and yanked it open, forcing myself to calm when I remembered what Cloud said. _All _of us needed to be strong, right? So if Leon got all worked up again, things would end badly.

I kept the growl down this time when I spoke, instead using a neutral tone I hoped didn't sound too angry. "Can I help?"

Leon seemed surprised at my offer but after a moment he nodded. He adjusted his grip on Riku and slid out of the car, straightening slowly. "Take him. I have to unlock the door."

I quickly took Riku, accepting the sleeping teen with a slight smile as I held him bridal style. I couldn't help but picture the embarrassed look he'd have right now if he knew I was carrying him like this. Imagining the blush that would be on his face right now lightened my mood almost as much as actually seeing his smile would.

Leon noticed my grin and I saw his slight smile as he walked ahead of me, opening the door and switching on all of the lights in the living room. "Put him in my room, he's more comfortable there." Leon ordered, pointing down the hallway to his open bedroom. I nodded wordlessly and made my way down the hall, grinning again when I heard a light snore from Riku. At least he was comfortable for now…

I nudged the door fully open with a foot, entering the room that Riku and I spent so much of our childhood in. Back before we were allowed to go to the island alone we would sit with Riku's parents, listening to tales of adventures and monsters that Riku's dad would read us. Some nights he'd even come up with a way for us to act out the adventures. We'd be given little wooden swords and he'd run after the both of us, roaring like some sort of monster. Little Riku and I couldn't get away from him and he'd scoop the two of us up in his arms, laughing and squeezing the both of us until we begged to be let down. Then we'd all end up on the bed in a massive tickle fight, which was usually interrupted by Riku's mom coming in. She'd try to get us to stop, but every single time Riku's dad could get her to join in. He'd give her this huge smile and pull her to him, kissing her cheek before getting me and Riku to start tickling her…. God, I miss them. I miss those times, when Riku didn't have to deal with all of this…

Every night we were safe because our big strong daddies could protect us from the monsters in the dark. We never had to fear anything back then. The worst that could happen was a monster in our closets, which were quickly vanquished with one shout for our dads.. We never went hungry because our moms would feed us, and if we ever got hurt they'd be right there…

Things have really changed. Now I'm sure it would be me protecting my parents. I _have _protected them, I saved our entire island and everyone on it. Well… Most of them. A few people, like Riku's parents, didn't make it.

I sigh and try to put all of those thoughts out of my mind. It would be useless to worry about it now, I can let myself show all of that sadness when I'm locked up alone in my room. Until then I have to stay strong and act like I know what I'm doing.

So I carry Riku to the bed, not letting myself think about the times I spent curled up in the sheets, showing off my reading skills to Riku and his parents. I pull back the blankets I don't recognize and gently lay Riku down, making sure he doesn't wake as I do. He makes a sad little sound and reaches for me, and I can't help the urge to reach out and touch him. I brush his hair out of his face, watching as he relaxes again at my touch. He almost looks innocent again, like he was when we were little…

Before I realize what I'm doing I'm crawling into bed next to Riku, lying beside him and pulling his sleeping body close. I reach for the blankets with one hand and pull them up to his chin, keeping his perpetually cold body warm. He shifts a little in his sleep and then he's curled up against my chest, the innocently relaxed expression he has actually hurting me. He won't be looking that way for long…

"I'll protect you, Riku…" I whisper, kissing his forehead and running my hands through his silver hair again. The feeling of Riku under my fingers starts to relax me and pushes the memories that are threatening to overwhelm me back down, and judging by the way he leans into my fingers the contact is helping him too. "You are my light, and I won't let you go out. I'll do whatever it takes to save you. I'd walk out right now and start hunting down every bit of darkness if I thought it would help…"

The corners of his mouth turn up into a little smile as he sleepily drapes an arm over me, his head nuzzling my chest as he does. I can't help a little laugh at the action, knowing he'd hate what he's doing if he was awake. He's almost a different person in his sleep. "I have to be honest, I have no clue what I'm going to do. I don't know what is hurting you so much and I don't know how to stop it. But I will find out. I swear to you I will find out everything I can, and I'll make you better. You took care of me while I was sleeping, you remember? It's my turn now." I sigh again and set my cheek against the top of his head, inhaling the scent that is purely Riku. I feel the strong urge to stay curled up under these blankets with him forever, but know I can't. "I love you so much, Riku. Just hold on, okay? I'm right here, I'll help you…"

I can hear Leon and Cloud mumbling something in the kitchen and know it is time for me to get up, but I can't quite find the strength to move yet. Unwanted images of all the times I've left people behind surface, and even though I know I'll only be leaving the room I can't make myself go just yet. Just the thought of leaving Riku when he's so vulnerable causes an actual physical pain.

So I don't leave yet. Instead I carefully untangle myself from the sleeping Riku and busy myself inside the room, trying to find little things to keep me busy. I re-tuck the sheets around Riku, I pick up all of Leon's dirty clothes and organize the entirety of his room all in an attempt to buy more time next to Riku.

But just a few minutes later I can hear footsteps approaching the room and know I have to go be strong again. Now is the time for action, something that I wanted badly just twenty minutes ago. It seems now all I want is to lie next to Riku and forget everything that happened, but I know I can't do that. So I turn to the door and have it open before Cloud can knock. Pain and sadness flash across his face before he gets control, and once he feels control return he clears his throat and leads me back into the kitchen. As soon as I leave Riku's scent I can smell coffee and quickly accept the cup Leon offers me without a word. I've never been more thankful for the caffeine in my life.

"We should take shifts watching him. If he does have a nightmare someone needs to be there." Cloud tells us as I sit at the table. He notices that I'm about to volunteer but gives me a look that clearly is an order not to. The glare has a bit of an accusatory look, and I nod in understanding. He wasn't willing to share information of his struggles with Leon, I suppose. Which is reasonable, I don't want Riku knowing of any of my problems..

If Leon is suspicious of my silence he doesn't show it. He quickly stands and grabs his cup of coffee, seeming almost relieved at the opportunity to be next to Riku. I ignore the feeling of jealousy as he leaves Cloud and I without a word. Cloud doesn't move until Leon has disappeared down the hall, shutting the door behind him.

Cloud sighs and gives me that look again, the one with equal shares of sadness and pain. "Listen, Sora, do we need to talk about anything with you? It's okay to be freaked out, I didn't really explain what I meant that well… You don't have to be emotionless, I just meant that you need to-"

"Cloud." It's all I can manage to choke out, but he understands. That one word is equal parts desperation, plea, and warning. He knows that I can't talk about it and he respects that, which makes me thankful for his presence here yet again.

He sits down across from me and sips his coffee, raising an eyebrow as I quickly down mine, ignoring the burning on my tongue and throat as it goes down. I can tell he wants to say something more but he doesn't, instead he looks down into his own cup for several minutes. I understand this isn't easy and let him take his time, getting another cup of coffee as he gathers his words.

"Okay." He eventually says, motioning for me to sit again. "Let's talk. I'll tell you everything."

**I'd like to take a moment to thank a few readers. I'd like to thank Mallobie, the first user to follow this story. And I'd also like to mention Phoenix Keeper, the first to favorite it. Thank you very much for your support, and I do hope you all enjoy the story so far.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay, back to Riku's point of view now. **

The first thing I recognize is darkness. Not the heavy presence that seems to always follow me in my dreams. This darkness is comfortable. There is nothing here. No evil darkness, no light, no dreams. I'm able to float around in my safe world and don't have to worry about anything.

I have no way of knowing how long I spend in this place, but I'm thankful for it. The nothingness is soothing to me, it's a relief to not have to fight or think or do anything but exist. I can drift through the darkness around me, not even knowing if I'm still alive. Part of me hopes that I'm not alive anymore, because eventually I'll get out of this endless dream and I'll have to be okay again. It would be easier if I never had to wake up again…

_"I'll protect you, Riku…"_

"Sora?! Sora, where are you?" The nothingness ripples around me and I am startled by the intense urge I have to find him. It's not the usual fear that drives me, but a wish to be close to him. I want him next to me so bad it hurts.

_"You are my light, and I won't let you go out." _He promises, and I can feel his voice piercing the nothingness around me again. The pain in my heart is relieved a little when I can sense Sora, I relax completely when it feels like he's next to me. I hold my hands out and it almost feels like Sora's warm hand takes it, spreading warmth through me.

"Y-you are my light, Sora. Damn it, I didn't want to wake up… You had to do this, didn't you? You had to make me start this whole stupid fight again!" The warmth turns to a heat that is almost too hot and I growl at it, feeling anger rising even through happiness I can't explain. "You know I can't leave you, don't you? Couldn't even let me pretend for a minute that I could run away…"

_"I love you so much, Riku. Just hold on, okay? I'm right here, I'll help you…" _

The happiness grows the second Sora even mentions love and I sigh, starting to recognize the too hot feeling inside me. It's light. "I love you too, Sora. I don't know how I'll fix this, but I'll hang on. I'll find a way to get back to you."

I wait in the darkness, feeling the anger fade away as the words 'I love you' keep repeating in my head. I'm stuck with a huge grin, feeling the tears sliding down my cheeks but unable to wipe them away. My body doesn't want to obey me, but I'm okay with it for now.

I need a plan. The darkness wanted to… what? Drive me insane? No, that couldn't be it. There was more to it. Just driving me insane wouldn't do anything…. There had to be a reason. But what could it gain from an insane teenager?

I stare into the darkness for several minutes, using my time of peace and quiet to think. Maybe it didn't want me insane, it just wanted me? That had to be it. The darkness wanted me. It wanted control over a keyblade wielder. But maybe not because of _my _power…

That's it. I'm not the most powerful player anymore, but I still was the easiest to manipulate. And now that I had a group of people that cared about me, those around me could be pulled in too. So that was the darkness' plan. It wanted to use me to get at Leon, Sora, and Cloud.

"I'm such an idiot! How did I not figure this out sooner?!" I scream into the nothingness, annoyed with the lack of response. Not even an echo answers me.

So what was the plan, then? I couldn't make them just stop caring. But the darkness wouldn't rest until it got what it wanted, I knew that all too well. And right now I was the way it could get everything it wanted…

I just had to get rid of the darkness, then. But how? I've done it before, sure, but that was always temporary….

Okay, so maybe it was my fault it was temporary. I kept giving into the darkness, thinking it was the only way to get the power I needed to protect Sora. That was the problem, Sora. He is the reason that I took up the darkness and he's the only way I could save myself from it.

So what was I going to do? Stick with Sora for the rest of my life? No, that wouldn't do anything… There was more to it. I had to let the darkness go and find a way to let all of the light in. Sora was important in that, yes, but he couldn't be all there was to it.

Last time I gained control of the darkness it was because I nearly killed Sora, but I refuse to let it go so that far this time. I couldn't ever let myself hurt him again…

Didn't Cloud have a problem like this? I remember Sora mentioning something about the blonde when he was searching for his own light… Good. He knows what is going on then. Maybe I could get some answers from him.

I sigh again as I'm aware of the floating through the darkness again. I'm really getting tired of not having a physical way to stay still anymore. I was getting sick of this whole place. I finally had something to do, even if my lead may not turn up anything at all. It was still a place to start ,and I had to hope it was enough.

Now I just have to figure out how to wake up.


	8. Chapter 8

**I just realized every in progress story I have just **_**stopped **_**at chapter seven. So apparently this is a hard point for me to get past. I shall try to overcome the writer's block that I can feel gnawing at me, and let's hope I get this chapter out! If I get through this one the rest will be easier again, right?**

I'm almost relieved at the low buzzing sound that starts piercing the nothingness around me. The low vibrations are spreading through my entire world, setting my teeth on edge and making the previously smooth floating feel like I'm trying to swim in the middle of a storm. Again.

For several frustrating minutes the low buzzing is the only sound around me, and I feel my dread growing as I think this will be all that happens. I won't actually wake up and I'll be stuck in this state forever.

But just as I feel my sanity starting to really waver, the buzzing breaks into something more, something louder. It's a far off mumbling now, and I can tell it is someone speaking near me. Maybe it is still Sora?

"Don't you dare give into this; I swear I'll shoot you with my gunblade if you even look like you are giving up when you wake up."

I can't help a laugh as I hear the threat, though at this point it is still a mental one. That definitely wasn't Sora waiting for me. I felt another stab of guilt as I wondered how Leon had reacted to drugging me to get me to sleep… Knowing him, he didn't take it well. I'd have to remember to at least appear normal around Leon, the last thing I needed was him feeling even worse because I'm still screwed up.

But at least I have a plan. I can move forward now, and that thought alone helps. I can't give into this. Leon and Sora are both counting on me.

So I search the nothingness again and finally find what I've been wanting- a crack. It's a tiny one that is right in front of me, and if I reach forward I can find the strength to start pulling at it. I cringe at the bright light that immediately floods my little nothingness, blinding me with its intensity. It's an actual physical pain as I keep pulling at the crack, forcing myself awake. This wasn't going to be fun…

"Riku?" Leon's voice has dropped to a whisper now, and he can tell I'm finally waking. I'm stuck in a half asleep, half-awake sort of place and can't make any sort of response yet. I feel my face scrunching up, displeased with the light that hasn't gone away yet. My body is hot, far too hot for my liking, and I can feel the scratchy comforter that Leon insists on using tucked all the way up to my chin. That _had _to be Sora's doing.

"If you keep talking to him you'll wake him up." This time it is Cloud who speaks. He sounds tired. Have I been asleep a long time? Or has Leon just been getting on his nerves?

There is a groan that sounds something like 'light', and it takes everyone in the room a moment to realize it was me. There is a rush of motion and then I can relax as the lights come off. There are two little worried noises from around me and I can tell Leon and Sora are right next to me. "Riku. Hey, Riku, are you awake?"

I feel a face-splitting grin at Sora's childish whisper, though I don't have control of my facial muscles yet so no one can see it. "No." The mumble is harder than I thought it would be. My voice isn't quite ready to cooperate yet and my throat is dry, but it's enough for Sora to understand. There are three surprised gasps above me and then I'm yanked up and pulled into a group hug, stuck in the middle of Leon and Sora.

Again I'm unable to use any of my limbs to shove them off so I'm stuck being held up by the two of them, feeling the blush dusting my cheeks again as Sora showers the side of my face closest to him in kisses. Leon, thankfully, doesn't feel the need to. His arms just hold me upright and judging by the strength of his grip, I won't be getting free anytime soon.

"Riku! Oh, man you wouldn't believe how bored I was waiting for you to wake up." Sora tells me, stopping with the kisses long enough to turn my face towards his. I finally manage a little smile when I see his expression. He's playing off how worried he was. "Took you long enough, Ku." My smile grows a little more and I lean towards him a little, letting our foreheads touch. I can feel his breath against my lips and see his slightly wider than normal eyes, and I can read everything he feels he can't say out loud. _I was so worried about you, I didn't think you would ever wake up. I'm going to be strong for you, no matter how freaked I am inside. I'm here for you. I love you._

"I'm here, So." I rasp, wincing a little at the roughness in my voice. It's only now that I start to realize everything wrong with my body, and I almost wish for the nothingness back. My head is pounding, throat burning, and my stomach feels like I've been kicked in the gut repeatedly. With a Lexeaus-sized boot. Sora understands everything that I can't make myself say yet and he shows a sad smile before forcing it into a full on grin.

I wince again as my face is pulled away from Sora, and I'm unable to stop the movement as I'm forced to face Leon. He isn't hiding things as well as Sora, probably because he's not used to caring. His grip is too strong on my jaw, like he's afraid if he let's go I'll disappear. The hand holding me is shaking and his eyes are much wider than Sora's. "You are in pain." It isn't a question, so I don't waste the effort in trying to nod. The grip he has on my face is too strong to warrant trying anyway.

Sora and Leon quickly move away from me once they realize my silence is an agreement to what he said. I wince as my sore body has to support its own weight again, and I'm surprised by how much effort it takes. I shouldn't be this weak after only a little bit in bed… Though I haven't had darkness physically attack my body in over a year, so I guess it was to be expected. I'm stuck hunched over, supporting myself with surprisingly weak arms.

Leon and Sora are too worried about hurting me to move closer to me again so I have to use my own meager power to pull myself into a more comfortable position. Though I realize my weakness it is still a shock when simply scooting back on the bed proves to be a challenge.

Before I can move more than two inches the bed dips down again, and I'm surprised to see Cloud is the one sitting next to me. He gives me a little smile and reaches forward, easily pulling me back against the headboard so I can sit comfortably. He doesn't acknowledge my embarrassment at being helped to sit up and starts to move away before I remember how to use my arms again. I latch onto his arm with a weak grip, but it's enough to keep him in place. He gives me a confused look, unable to see why I'd want him to stay next to me.

"Can we… talk?" I ask him, ending the sentence with a cough. Sora quickly leaves the room at the cough and Cloud frowns at me, but after a moment slowly nods.

"Sure. What do you want to talk about?" He seems relieved for a reason I don't understand, and I consider asking him about it but I stay silent. It is too much of an effort to talk, I won't waste words on needless questions. "Can you even talk, Riku?" I nod at his question and nod to Leon, not wanting to speak when I don't need to. Thankfully Cloud understands what I mean. "Oh. Leon, I think he wants to ask me something private." I nod, feeling guilty at Leon's slightly hurt look. Cloud notices and reaches for him, holding his hand and giving him a half smile. "Hey, Leon, don't worry. It's just a matter of expertise. I'm a little more knowledgeable about the darkness, right?" Leon sighs and nods, still not looking pleased. "Well it makes sense he'd ask me, right?" There is another nod from Leon, and then Cloud smirks. "Don't worry. If he ever wants to ask something about being uke I'll leave that for you. That is your area of expertise, after all."

"What the- Cloud! Dammit, that isn't funny!" Leon shouts, and I could _swear_ I saw a hint of a blush. Cloud and I both laugh at his completely embarrassed expression and Cloud winces when Leon punches him in the shoulder. It doesn't seem too affect Cloud too much, but I imagine if I took that hit I'd be bruised right now. "If they want to know about fighting they can come to me. But I swear if our little brothers mention _anything _about ukes or sex to me I will hunt you down and shove my gunblade so far up your-"

"Okay!" Cloud laughs nervously and scoots closer to me, seeming to consider using me as a shield. "Well, I've got some questions to answer, so I think you need to go now… Sora left, you should probably check on him. Who knows what he's doing, right?"

Leon gives Cloud another heated glare that I can't help but grin at before he storms out of the room. He yanks the partially closed bedroom door open, startled when Sora is standing just inches in front of him. "Hey, Leon, is something wrong? You look mad…" Leon growls and steps around Sora, nearly knocking the tray Sora is holding out of his hands. "Okay… Don't kill anything, Leon! I know how you get when you are mad!"

"Sora, what are you doing?" Cloud asks, sighing as Sora sits on my other side. He grins and sets the tray he is holding across my lap.

"I made Riku breakfast!" Sora tells us, smiling brightly at me and pointing out the food with a flourish. No one notices my confused look as I stare down at the water, toast, and eggs. Did he say breakfast? That wasn't right… We went to the store in the afternoon, so this would be lunch or dinner. How long was I asleep? "We had some leftovers from a few hours ago, and I didn't want to give him anything too heavy since he still might be sick…"

"Sora, thanks. That's great and I'm sure Riku is thankful. But Riku wanted to talk to me, so you think you could maybe take it back for like ten minutes?" Sora's smile quickly fades as Cloud speaks, and I start feeling guilty almost immediately.

"Oh… Okay. That's cool, I can come back." He tells me, putting the smile back the second I look at him. He reaches back across my lap to take back the tray but I stop him by grabbing the water with both hands, hissing as the freezing water sloshes out onto my hands.

"Want it." I croak out, wincing again. Sora's smile comes back to life and I give him a smile too, glad that I made him happy. I carefully lift the glass to my lips, feeling my embarrassment grow again as I spill some of the freezing water onto my chest. Sora immediately puts a napkin over the area and guides the glass with a single hand, pressing it to my lips and letting me take a sip.

"Take it slow." Cloud and Sora both command me, eying me warily as I take another drink. The cold water feels good against my burning throat and I find myself getting a little upset when Sora takes the water away from me. "Riku, you downed half the glass. You might get sick again if you don't slow down."

"Well I'm thirsty." I tell him, feeling a little relief when it is easier to speak. "Give it back." Sora shakes his head and I allow the pout to show this time, hoping to force him to give in. Sora's grin fades the second he sees it and it's hard to keep the sad look up as he holds out the water for me to take. Just before I can take the water, Cloud grabs the glass and rolls his eyes.

"Sora, you are useless." He sighs, taking the water I so desperately want and putting it far out of my reach. "Go watch Leon, Sora. Maybe if Leon starts pouting you won't give in so easily."

Sora laughs and nods, standing up and leaving the tray behind for me. "Fine, fine, but it's not my fault!" Cloud doesn't seem to care about Sora's excuse so after a moment he sighs and leaves the room. I don't see Sora leave because I'm too focused on trying to reach the water, which is easier said than done. I can't move more than a few inches without nearly falling over, but I _need _it. The water soothes my throat and my craving for it is intense. If what Sora said was anything to go by, it had been at least twenty hours since my last drink anyway, so I was justified in my intense want of it.

"Riku, if you want to have this discussion start talking. If you are going to spend all day just staring at the wall I have better things to do, I have stuff to figure out." I wince at his glare and look away from the water, clearing my throat in an attempt to make talking easier again. I hear Cloud's mumbled curse when he realizes I was looking at the water, not the wall, and I find myself smiling when the water comes back into my view. Cloud hands it over with a frown. "Guess you are justified…" He mumbles, quiet enough that Sora can't hear us. "You've been asleep for a couple days now, you need the water. Just don't get sick."

"_What?" _I ask, choking a little on the water. "A _couple_ days? I can't have been asleep that long!" Cloud sighs and reaches forward, whacking me on the back a few times to stop my coughing. "You've got to be kidding me." I wheeze, wincing every time his hand makes contact with my back. It does stop the coughing but I can feel where his hands touched and now even my back is sore.

"I have no reason to lie to you. It has been two days, Riku. But it's okay, you didn't miss anything. Kairi had Tachi call, she said to give you a kiss. But I'll leave that for Sora later." He smirks at my blush again, chuckling when I take another sip of the water in an attempt to hide it. "Now, ask your questions. We don't have long before Leon and Sora try to come back in."

"You are really okay with talking to me about the darkness stuff?" I ask, wanting to be sure before I continue. "I know it isn't easy to talk about… You don't have to, I'm just curious about a few things."

Cloud sighs and steals a piece of toast from my plate, shrugging as he takes a bite. "Nothing hard about it. I screwed up, I gave into the darkness, I got control. My experience is an open book, go ahead and ask your questions. Trust me, I get that having someone who has gone through it would be a huge advantage."

"Okay. Well…" I trail off and find myself getting confused. I had no idea where to start. My entire goal was just to talk to Cloud, I didn't think about what I would do once I was talking to him. "I guess my first question would be, uh, did the darkness ever play with you?"

Instead of laughing like I expect, he seems to consider my question. "Yea, it did. It 'played' with me in a lot of different ways. What are you talking about?" He seems to be concerned again and clears his throat like he's about to ask a question he doesn't want to know the answer to. "Do you mean like cat and mouse kind of stuff? Or did the darkness, ah, do something that we need to be aware of?"

Oh god no. Please tell me he wasn't trying to figure out a way to ask if the darkness was molesting me or something. "Cloud, please stop. Don't even, I mean, I just…. We don't need to talk about any of the games the darkness played with me."

I'm glad I'm not the only one that is embarrassed by the question. He nods quickly and clears his throat again, taking a bite out of the toast. "Well, uh, if there ever is anything you feel you need to talk about you can come to one of us, okay?" He holds my gaze with a seriousness I wasn't prepared for, and doesn't look away until I slowly nod. "Even if you do get all flustered about it, you can talk to us. Leon and Sora aren't the only ones here for you. Kairi is always willing to help, and I'm here too. Right now I'm one of few people who understand some of what you are going through."

I take another drink of water to avoid responding verbally to what Cloud says, making a disappointed sound when I find the glass is empty. Cloud takes the glass from me again and sets it on the table beside us, patiently waiting for my next question. Well, at least I know the games are normal… And apparently so are games of an entirely different variety. The knot of dread in my stomach comes back with a vengeance when I imagine the darkness moving onto games like Cloud was talking about. I don't think I could stand it if the darkness started using me like that…

"Riku, calm down, you look like you are going to be sick again. Are you alright?" Cloud reaches for me and pulls my head down almost to the bed, bending me forward. "Take deep breaths, don't you dare get sick. Sora and Leon will both kill me for giving that water back."

"It's not the water." I tell him between deep breaths, willing the urge to vomit again to pass. I couldn't let that happen, not again… I just had to calm down. The darkness has been messing with me well over a year, right? Well, it wouldn't change tactics out of nowhere to break me. Not when the current plan seemed to be working so well. I was safe; I didn't have to worry about the darkness doing _that. _

"Fuck." Cloud yanked the tray out of my lap and pulled me closer to him, rubbing awkward circles in my back like Leon had. "Riku, it's okay, everything is cool. The darkness can't do anything that you don't want it to once you find your light. You will have power over it and you can stop it. You just need to relax and not puke all over Leon's bed." His grip on me was too tight but I did find myself starting to relax again, possibly because the drugs that had kept me sleeping hadn't fully worn off yet. After a moment Cloud seemed to realize he was leaving bruises across my back and his hands were gentler now, and his voice took on a softer tone. "The darkness can't control you, Riku. You control it. Once you have your light it can't touch you again, no matter what it says. We just have to get rid of it."

I nodded, still not speaking. Cloud had no reason to lie to me, so if he was saying it that had to be true. I could keep the darkness from doing that; I knew exactly where my light was. Hearing Sora in the nothingness proved that. I was safe.

I stayed where I was for a few more minutes, waiting until the urge had completely passed before I straightened back up. I kept my eyes away from Cloud, not wanting to see the worried expression. "So you can get rid of the darkness? You can just drain it out of you?"

"In a matter of speaking, I guess you could." Cloud answered after a minute. "That is essentially the process. It can be pretty slow, though. Every time the darkness rises up you have to flush it out with light. Sometimes it is easy, sometimes it takes more of a fight."

I felt an immense relief at his words and relaxed against the headboard again. Thank God, I could get rid of this… I just needed a way to be alone and I could work on getting the darkness out. But I couldn't stop the questions now, he'd get suspicious. "Okay…" I sigh, knowing I'll regret looking this weak in front of Cloud, but realizing this is what it will take to make him assume I'm too worried and scared to do anything rash. "Do you… do you think I'll be okay, Cloud? Because I'm not sure I will be anymore. I keep wishing it would just stop but I know it won't, I don't think it ever will…" I'm surprised at just how true that is, even with my newfound hope with the possibility of draining the darkness out.

Cloud has a moment of total confusion and I can clearly see the main thought going through his mind- oh shit, he's being emotional. Again he reaches for me and pulls me into an awkward hug, accidentally bumping my face with his shoulder. "Riku, you'll be fine. Actually, you'll be better than fine. You don't have to do this alone, you have so many people willing to help you. I swear to you that you will be alright."

I nod, finding myself relaxing against him again. I didn't expect to actually be comforted by Cloud, if anything I thought this would be even more awkward than it was. Cloud doesn't even tense when I hug him back which is a definite shock.

After a few minutes like that I can hear Sora milling about near the door and I sigh. "Do you think I can take a shower now? I might have to borrow something of Leon's since all my stuff is dirty, but I need to clean…"

"Riku, you've been out for two days. I think we could manage to get a little laundry done in that time. All of your clothes are clean and waiting in your room. Do you, uh, need any help making it there? You sure a shower is a good idea?"

"Of course it is. I'm not an invalid, I can walk." I mumble, pushing the blankets off of me. "It's too hot in here anyway.." Cloud chuckles as I swing my legs over the edge of the bed, frowning at the ground. Okay, so maybe I did still feel a little heavy footed from the drugs and two days of sleeping. That didn't mean I could just not shower. So I slid off the bed and steadied myself with a hand against the door, breathing a sigh of relief when I didn't collapse under my own weight.

"Riku!" I groan as Sora pushes the door open, not looking pleased with me. "What do you think you are doing?" He makes a concerned sound as I ignore him and step away from the wall, ensuring I can hold my own weight before I try to move past him. He gets in my way and refuses to move without an answer.

"I'm going to shower, Sora. I'm allowed to be clean." I tell him, unable to stay mad at him when he starts looking genuinely worried. "I'm okay, So. I just really want to get out of these clothes and get cleaned up. I've been sick, sat in a dirty parking lot, and I've been sweating and buried under blankets for two days. Please just let me shower, I need it." Sora sighs and moves out of the way, smirking a little as he does.

"Okay. But there is a toll for passing and worrying me." He tells me, grin widening as I start to get worried. Just what was he thinking? "Once you are cleaned up and out of the shower I want you to stay by me so I can keep an eye on you. And you cannot complain about me, Leon, or Cloud getting worried about you. Got it?"

"You are seriously going to make me agree to that for a shower?" Sora nods, offering me the way out. Great. So I had to be constantly watched or stay filthy and lose my shot at getting rid of the darkness. "Fine, I'll stay by you. But that does _not _count when I'm in the bathroom or changing!"

Sora and Cloud both laugh at the same time at that one. "Aw, Riku, you saw through that too quickly… Fine. I'll only watch you when you are clothed. Now go get that shower."

I nod happily and quickly reach forward, hugging Sora for just a second before I went to go gather my clothes. I'd need something long sleeved for sure… Draining this darkness was going to take several tries I was sure, and Sora catching me and freaking out wouldn't help a thing.

**Okay, I am putting this up to break the seven chapter curse. FINALLY! I'm happy to get this done and up. As always, thank you for reading and I do hope you enjoy it. **


	9. Chapter 9

**I just realized I've been writing this whole time without adding a disclaimer. So, let me go ahead and say it. I don't own Kingdom Hearts, the characters, any of that. I am nothing but a humble little fan trying to write out some of the ideas that are still kicking around in my head from the prequel to this one. Warnings of this chapter: Language, self-harm, and yaoi. Possibly in that order.  
There, that's out of the way now. Let's get back to the fanfiction, shall we? Happy reading! **

As soon as I manage to get the clothes necessary for a shower I lock myself in the bathroom, double checking to make sure the lock is in fact secure. Even though I know what I'm going to do will help, I can't help a sense of paranoia and guilt that is egging at me. I quickly push it aside as a sign of the darkness trying to stop me, though the feeling doesn't go away as I pull open the shower curtain and turn the water on. I don't bother with the hot water at all because I'm still feeling far too hot from the blankets piled on me. My entire body is far too hot, and it's a relief when I get to start peeling off the layers of clothes that have been trapping the heat.

I can't help the hiss as cold water hits me, momentarily shocking me. I wasn't expecting it to be that cold, though after a few seconds it is more of a relief than anything. Even in the nothingness it was too hot, it was nice to be able to feel cold again.

I stand in the middle of my shower for a good five minutes, letting the water run over me and cool me down. I can already feel my teeth wanting to start chattering and find that it feels good to be this cold after so long, so I make no move to heat the water as I finally move to start washing my hair.

I quickly run the peppermint shampoo through my hair, cringing when a bolt of pain shoots down my arm as I move it. That was… odd. Maybe the darkness was getting nervous about me being rid of it?

There is another jab of pain and I glare down at my arm, mumbling a curse. The darkness didn't want to play, huh? Guess that meant I needed to get down to this sooner than I thought.

I quickly finish washing my hair and step out of the shower, feeling the pain becoming more of a burning that continually runs through my arm. It's like the darkness is angry at me, trying to make me unable to use my arm to start draining it. Which means I'm finally doing something right. I hastily dry myself off and slip on my boxers and some black jeans, though I don't put a shirt on. The long sleeves would only get in the way, and I'm going to need to clean up after this anyway.

"Okay… You want to play? Let's even the playing ground a little bit." I mumble, summoning Way to Dawn. I tense as the sound of summoning is a little louder than I remember, but after a moment it seems that no one will come rushing in after me so I decide I'm safe.

I take a deep breath and sit on the cold tile floor, sitting with my back against the wall. I hold back another hiss at the pain that shoots through my arm and then line my keyblade, the only weapon of light I have, against my wrist right where the darkness told me to cut. I suddenly realize that I have no idea how deep to cut and feel a little worry. I couldn't kill myself because that would defeat the whole point. But I couldn't just make a tiny little scratch across my wrist either. There had to be blood, and enough to make the darkness escape too. Crap. Blood. I can't just slit my wrist sitting on the floor, there could be too much blood to clean up. With another sigh I force myself to stand, hoping the sound of the still running shower is enough to cover the noise of my keyblade scratching into the tiles.

A quick look around my bathroom reveals the sink would be the easiest place to clean up so I lean over the sink instead, holding my keyblade and trying to get an angle that makes this seem even remotely easy. The thing is too big, really, but if I'm getting rid of darkness then I have to use a weapon of light.

An increase in the pain makes me groan and reminds me that I shouldn't be thinking about this, I should just be doing it. So I push all thoughts of what I'm doing away, rest my arm over the sink, and slice into it. And then I slice into it again, right next to the first one. I don't start to feel the pain until slice number four, but I don't let it stop me. I run my already bloodied blade through my wrist again, setting my jaw and refusing to let out the sounds that seem to be trying to claw their way out of my throat. I can't make a sound, if I do they'll hear and then they'll stop me…

I'm surprised by how much lighter I feel when I make mark six. The pain from the darkness isn't lessened, it has completely gone. It feels _right _to bring my keyblade across my wrist for cut numbers seven, eight, and nine. And even though by gash ten I can't see my arm through the blood, I want to keep going. I want to create eleven, twelve, thirteen…. I want a line of gashes all the way up my arm, showing off the new lightness that I have.

But I can't. The moment my keyblade touches my skin for gash eleven, something happens. My hand around the hilt stops working, I can't keep moving. And no matter how hard I fight against it, the darkness holds me still. We are locked in a battle for control that lasts only a few minutes, and I quickly lose. As the darkness is scrambling for a better hold on my mind a wave of dizziness hits, fogging my mind. That is all the darkness needs, and I wince when my keyblade is thrown across the room. It slams into the wall with a loud metallic clang that I know everyone in the house has heard, and it throws me into a panic.

Way to Dawn disappears immediately and I realize just how much blood is flowing from the cuts I made. I can't see to tell if they are too deep, but I wouldn't know anyway. So I quickly run water over my wrist, getting rid of as much blood as possible. With a shaking hand I dig through my medicine cabinet, searching desperately for something to cover my arm. This was stupid, stupid, stupid! The darkness alerted them, and any second now Sora would be at that door…

Just as I'm wrapping my trembling wrist, I hear Sora knocking on the door. "Riku! Riku what the hell was that?!" His knocking turns into slamming his fist into the door when I'm too panicked to make my voice work properly. Just a few more seconds and I'll have my wrist wrapped up, wrapped so tight that it can't bleed through. "Riku, if you don't answer me right now I'll kick this door down!"

There, it's done. I'm safe, he won't know. "I-I'm fine!" I manage to yell, still panicking as I quickly grab the long sleeved black shirt and put it on. The sleeves extend well beyond my fingers and I realize now that this is Leon's shirt in my laundry, but it is too late to care. This will be the shirt I wear; I cannot risk taking this one off. They might see, they might figure it out…

"That doesn't sound fine! What was that?!" Sora asks, and I tense when I see the door knob jiggling. This isn't good. My fingers have blood on them; I can't let that be seen… "It sounded bad!"

I start scrubbing my fingers and hand, rubbing the skin raw in an effort to get rid of the blood. Could they smell it? Do I need to find some sort of cologne? "I fell, Sora, that's it!" I yell back, kicking at the door in an attempt to get him to stop. Just leave me for a minute, let me stop panicking. I need a minute. "Stop worrying so much! I told you I'm fine, So."

"Okay…" He doesn't sound sure, but he's realized I won't let him in. His footsteps retreat a little, but I know he's still in my room and waiting for me. "Just be careful, okay?"

I mumble some sort of agreement and then sink to the floor, forcing my breathing back under control. I didn't need to be this panicked, I just cut myself. And it helped, which makes it even better for me. I proved I had control of the darkness for a minute and I got some of it out. I felt good, aside from the panic. The darkness was pushed back. It fled after that last attempt at control. So why did I feel so much guilt and worry?

"I can't think about that…" I mumble, making sure I'm quiet enough that Sora can't hear. "I fixed it. Now I need control." I take a deep breath and hold it, counting to ten before I release it. Cloud said himself that you could drain the darkness out. I'm justified in doing this. The darkness proved it hated me doing this. It stopped me from continuing.

After about five minutes on the floor I feel my control coming back so I slowly stand, noticing now that my arm is the only thing wrong with me. I feel stronger than I did before. My stomach, throat, and back have no pain whatsoever, and the weakness in my limbs is gone. I didn't even feel the need for water. It was like I was healed, aside from the pain every time I used my arm.

I quickly reach into the shower to turn the water off and start making a little sound, hoping it will seem like I'm getting out of the shower and getting dressed. The noise seems to be enough to trick Sora, because when I leave the bathroom a couple minutes later he doesn't say anything. He does seem to run his eyes across my entire form, and I assume he's checking for injuries until he smirks. "The wet look is good on you. I think I'll come over for your showers more often." He tells me, grinning widely at the blush I can feel rising up my neck.

I try to ignore him and throw my dirty clothes into the now empty laundry bin, frowning when he walks up behind me. "All the black looks nice on you too. It makes you seem even paler than normal, which just means your blushes stand out that much more." I hiss in pain as he wraps his arms around me and pins my arms at my sides, though he takes it as a 'let go of me' hiss. "Aw, Riku, no can do. You promised to stick with me after you got out, right? Well I want to be right next to you."

He chuckles as he sets his head on my shoulder, tilting my head just so that he has better access to my neck. I stiffen as he places a gentle kiss there and it only amuses him more. He kisses me three more times along my neck, the last one using a bit of teeth before he turns me around and shoves me into the wall. The blush is back across my cheeks and I try to glare at him, though he ignores it as usual. There is a struggle that only lasts for a few seconds and then my hands are being held above my head again, and Sora is wearing that same smirk again as he kisses me, hard.

Despite my best intentions, I find myself melting into the kiss. I didn't realize just how much I missed him in the nothingness until now, when he's right in front of me. He goads me into a battle of dominance within our kiss, and again I only last a few seconds before he gains the upper hand. I gasp as he nips at my lower lip and the second my mouth is open to him his tongue dives in. I'm at his mercy and he knows it, making no attempt to rush through the kiss. It's hard to breathe as he pushes me further into the wall, and he doesn't pull away until we both desperately need air.

"Hmm… You are getting better at that, Ku." He tells me, licking his lips as he smirks again. "I think you deserve a little reward after that." The smirk looks positively evil as he checks his one handed grip on my wrists, making sure they are pinned securely. Once he's satisfied that I won't pull away he runs his free hand down my torso with a pressure so light I can hardly feel it. I fail to hold back a whine and arch my back, pressing my body into the fingers as they stop at the waistband of my jeans.

"You are really impatient, Riku." He chuckles, those torturously light fingers going under my shirt, letting his fingers splay over my stomach. "Not that I can blame you, really. It has been _months."_ His fingers run up my body, calloused fingers sending shivers up my spine and making me throw my head back. I don't know what he does to make such a simple action heat up my body so quickly, but as he moves up to my chest I am unable to hold back the choked moan that pleases him so much.

He ignores my displeased whine when his hand leaves my body, and there is a moment of him just staring down at me before he grabs me and throws me over his shoulder. He reaches up to muffle my surprised scream and laughs as he locks my bedroom door. "There. Now maybe we can actually get something done for once."

I don't have to struggle very long until I'm tossed onto my bed, and I can't help the instinct to try to crawl away from Sora. His smirk has turned predatory and even though I want him next to me now, I don't trust the look. It seems I don't have the option of moving away because the moment I try to leave he's got his hands on my hips, yanking me back down to his level. "Nu uh, Riku. I can tell you want this and I do too. Right?" His hands are going back up my shirt again and I quickly nod, knowing I definitely want him to keep that up.

That is all of the encouragement Sora needs, and he quickly settles himself between my legs, pulling one hand away from me to hold himself up as he bends down to kiss me again. I remember I have use of my hands now and wrap my arms around his neck, ignoring the throb of pain and keeping him close so I can finally try for some amount of control in this.

Any dominance I may have won is short lived. The second he starts rolling his hips down into mine I'm pulling away from the kiss, biting down on my lip in an attempt to keep silent. It doesn't stop the noise but the sound is muffled at least. I throw my head back again and pull him closer, another muffled moan escaping when he trails kisses back down to my neck again. My body craves the contact and I find my hips responding of their own accord, rocking up to meet his. "Fuck, Riku, if you keep that up this won't last very long."

I'm surprised by the desperation that shows when Sora says that. I don't attempt to quite the whine his words cause and I wrap my legs around him, pulling his hips into mine and keeping him there. "No, no, no. I don't want this to end. It can't stop, Sora." He chuckles against my neck, biting into the sensitive flesh there and drawing a high pitched moan from me. He trails more kisses back up to just behind my ear and then there is a nip on my lobe, something that catches me completely off guard. He laughs at the sound he swears is a squeak and then he's back to doing all he can do draw moans from me.

I feel like I'm going crazy. Everything is building up, mounting into something I'm incapable of describing. Every little movement Sora makes against me feels like fire is racing through my blood in the best possible way, and my eyes seem permanently stuck in the back of my head with how many times they've rolled back there.

Sora's voice from above me is maddeningly in control, and I feel a momentary rush of anger at how easily he does this to me, but it's quickly stopped as he does _that _with his hips again and I'm reduced to nothing but a pleading whine and moans. "What is it you want, Riku?" Sora asks, and I can hear the infuriating grin in his voice.

"I-I, _fuck, _don't kn-ow!" I moan, the sound catching in my throat as I feel the building up starting to peak. "Ah, m-more, I want more, I know that!"

Sora's movements completely still against me and I let out a frustrated moan, clawing at his chest. I'm beyond the point of caring how stupid I sound begging Sora for anything, and it seems to amuse him greatly. "What do you mean 'I don't know', Riku? It's not that hard dude. Come on, let me hear you say it~"

"I told you I want more, Sora! That's all I fucking know!" He notices how angry I'm getting and the stupid grin grows, making the anger worse. "I wanted whatever that was to happen, dammit, and you just _stopped. _I want you to keep going!"

I feel a bit of satisfaction when Sora's grin finally fades and I reach for him again, assuming he's going to continue. But instead he looks confused and pulls away, just far enough that I can't pull him back to me. "You aren't serious."

"Do I _look_ like I'm joking? I swear to DiZ, if you don't get back over here I'm shoving my keyblade where Kingdom Hearts doesn't shine and twisting!" I yell, irritation growing and starting to peak, just like the other feeling was just fucking _seconds _ago.

"Umm, Riku? Did you ever get the talk when you were a kid?" Sora asks, and I feel the urge to strangle him really starting to grow. Did he _have _to bring that up?

"Yes, I did! Now can we please stop talking about this, Sora? Come back over here, I need you." I sit up and try to pull him closer again but he doesn't let me. He now seems to be a combination of amused and confused, and doesn't understand just how close to dead he is. I was starting to doubt why I wanted him so badly in the first place.

"Do you know how the girl gets pregnant?"

"… Sora, I'm not going to get pregnant. I don't have any of that!" Is _that _what he's worried about? God, he can be an idiot sometimes. "Besides, you can't get pregnant with all of your clothes on."

"That isn't what I asked, Riku. I asked do you know how she gets pregnant. I'm assuming you don't?" He asks, laughing when I get sick of that stupid grin and throw a punch at him. My entire face is red by now I'm sure.

"Yes, I do! He puts his dick in her and she's pregnant! Now _what _does that have to do with anything? You weren't doing that when you freaking pulled away from me!" I yell, groaning when he catches my second punch. He's not confused anymore, and his grin seems to grow to Cheshire proportions.

"And this happens… instantly?" He asks, and doesn't seem affected by my glare. That question actually stops me for a minute. Dad didn't exactly cover that part. He just went over the 'you put it in, she gets pregnant' bit.

"Well, I guess not… I'm assuming it takes a minute. But why are we talking about this? We weren't doing that, Sor- I'll kill you! If you were thinking about putting that thing anywhere _near _my ass I'm cutting it off. I'm not a girl that will _not _fit!"

Sora's laughter doesn't anger me anymore, it just embarrasses me. It's obvious I'm missing something and he's not willing to share, so I just yank my fist out of his grip and turn away from him, refusing to look at him again. Stupid jerk… He knows one thing I don't and he has to rub it in my face. And at a time like that…

He seems to finally get that I'm actually mad and he crawls up behind me again. I feel the bed shift under me as he reaches for me and I quickly jump out of my bed, not wanting to give him the chance to move away again. "Riku, come here. Please."

I ignore him and head for the door, unlocking it before he is even out of bed. "Riku, seriously. I swear I won't pull away this time if you come back."

Again I ignore him and yank my door open, leaving him alone in my room. He's running after me the second I enter the hallway, and he tries to stop me but I don't allow it. I rip myself out of his grip every time he grabs me, trying to hide how upset I am. So this is what he feels every time I laughed at him? Once I'm not so embarrassed I owe him an apology….

I'm still seething when I walk into the living room and jump over the back of the couch, landing perfectly between Leon and Cloud. Sora groans when I cross my arms over my chest and look away from him, not bothering to respond to the apologies of "I didn't mean to laugh, I'm sorry!"

"Sora? What exactly did you do to Riku?" Leon asks, and I can't help a small smirk as I feel both Leon and Cloud tensing on either side of me. They don't like that I'm mad at him and they know it's all his fault. "He's actually mad at you; you did something stupid didn't you?"

"You really don't want to know the answer to that." Sora tells them, grabbing onto my wrist and trying to pull me off the couch.

"Shit! Let me go right the fuck now, off, off, off!" I yell, digging my heels into the carpet and clawing at his hand when he gets cuts one through five in his grip. "Let go now!"

Sora pulls back his hand, which now has four bloody cuts running down it. "Okay, okay! I won't pull you! But do you really want to have this conversation in front of Leon and Cloud? I mean, if you really want to I guess we can, but with how embarrassed you get I didn't think you would…"

Leon doesn't seem pleased with how this conversation seems to be going, I can tell by how he's tensing beside me. His hand is curling into a loose fist, and for a moment I find myself wondering if Sora would catch his punches too. "There is nothing to talk about, Sora. I'm fine. You wanted to waste time talking about that stuff and making fun of me and that's fine. We have bigger problems than that right now, don't we?"

"He even sounds like a woman." Cloud mumbles, shaking his head. "Look, Sora, I'll demand a full explanation later but for now he's right. Why don't you go cook him something? He hasn't eaten in a while, and maybe if you give him food he won't be as mad."

Sora obviously isn't pleased with the idea but he does listen to Cloud and goes into the kitchen, mumbling things about babies and pulling away as he does. "Did he hurt your wrist, Riku?" Leon asks, reaching for my wrist to inspect it. I nearly let him before I realize how big of a mistake that would be. I hide the panic and pull my wrist closer to my body, shaking my head.

"Nah, I'm just mad at him and don't want him talking to me about that stuff." I told them, listening to make sure Sora really is in the kitchen before I stand up from the couch and let them have their space back. "You don't need to worry so much."

"I'm going to regret asking his…" Leon mumbles, glaring at Cloud when the blonde nods. "Does the reason you are mad at him have anything to do with how messed up your hair is, the marks along your neck, and the blush that hasn't gone away yet?" My shock at his words are enough of an answer, and I mumble a curse when he growls and the loose fist is now shaking, ready to hit either me or Sora. "What exactly did that idiot do to you?"

"Leon, I'm not answering that! It's none of your business!" He and Cloud both raise an eyebrow and then share a look for a moment before they stand at the same time, and I can tell they are just going to ask Sora about it. And he's stupid enough to give them every last detail, I know it. "We didn't do anything! H-he started to do… something, then he started asking me stupid questions and I got mad and left. Our shirts didn't even come off. Are you _happy?" _

"What sort of questions would he ask? I mean… I don't exactly stop anything involving Leon to ask stupid questions." Cloud chuckles, seemingly finding something hilarious in what I said. "Let me guess, the seme thing is an act? He was asking what to do or something, right?"

"Actually, I was asking Riku what he wanted." Sora says, leaning against the doorway and holding a tray like the one that had my breakfast not long ago. He seems frustrated, almost angry, and I find myself starting to feel guilty again. I can't stay mad at him when he's upset… "And he couldn't tell me. He, uh, didn't get all of the talk when he was a kid apparently. He's missing the fun parts."

"Sora, shut up! I'm not missing anything, okay?" My anger rises again against my will, and I slam a shaking hand over my mouth in an attempt to stop it. I'm not mad at Sora, I have no reason to yell at him. I'm embarrassed but that doesn't mean I need to attack him. I can just look it up online later and figure out what I'm missing.

"Riku? Are you okay?" Sora asks, quickly dropping the tray of food on the coffee table and running up to me. "Are you going to be sick again?"

I shake my head, getting a little upset. I don't want to uncover my mouth because I know the anger is still there, but Sora grabs my arm and pulls my hand away. This time cuts one through seven are in his grip and I cringe. "I'm mad at you for no freaking reason!" I yell, trying to rip my wrist out of his grip again. I can feel the cuts starting to open a little more, but the pain only serves to make me angrier. "I don't know why but you are driving me insane and will you _please _let go of my wrist already?! Fuck!"

Sora immediately releases my arm and I shove my hand into my pocket in an attempt to protect it. "Riku, do you have control of yourself? Don't answer verbally." I quickly shake my head, the guilt rising almost as quickly as the anger. "Okay. That's okay, that is completely normal. Sora, whatever you did don't you ever do it again. Now I need you to do your thing, okay?"

"What the hell are you talking about, Cloud?" I growl, turning around to face him. He gives me a little shrug that does nothing to help with my anger. "That isn't an answer! I asked what you are talking about and I want an anw- Sora, let me go now!" Sora quickly wraps his arms around my chest and pins my arms to my sides, dragging me to the couch. I let out a frustrated scream as Sora sits down and pulls me into his lap, still not letting me go. "Stop making me yell at you, you are making me feel bad! Dammit, Sora, why do you have to do this to me?!"

He doesn't seem too bothered when I start kicking my feet, trying to hit him and make him hurt enough to let me go. "It's okay, Riku." Sora whispers, and I jump when his voice is right next to my ear. I start screaming at him again and feel my eyes watering. I hate doing this, I don't want to hurt Sora… "I understand that you can't help it, I know you don't mean it. Just let it all out, okay? I admit I'm an idiot so you have the right to yell at me."

Leon and Cloud both keep staring at me and I find myself screaming at them when the tears start falling, worsened by Sora's constant reassurances in my ear. While I'm screaming about every single thing that enters my mind, I have to hear Sora telling me that it is okay and that he loves me. It's maddening and terrifying, not having any control of my words or my body as I struggle to hurt Sora enough to make him release me.

After a few minutes Leon and Cloud leave and I'm alone with Sora, and I finally think I'm starting to run out of things to scream about. The darkness and anger has made me scream about Leon, Cloud, Sora and Kairi already, and it seems just looking at the television that was left on gives me one last idea.

I'm horrified when commercials featuring parents come on, and I bite my lip so hard my teeth rip my lip open. I can't talk about them, I can't handle it… Please, darkness, I swear I won't try to get rid of you again if you'll just let me stay silent…

"I fucking hate them!" I scream, letting out a choked sob. "They left, they had to fucking leave! They didn't even tell me mom was pregnant before she died! They are useless parents, they left me alone with a kid I've never even met! I wish they never had me, I wish I was never born. This is all their fault, if they would have just let me die I never would have had to do this…" For several blessed minutes I'm crying too hard for any words to be understood, and Sora takes this chance to change his grip on me. He turns me sideways so that my legs are on the couch beside him and then he pulls me to his chest, holding me against him as I weakly beat on his chest.

"And I hate you too. You make me feel like an idiot because I don't know everything. And you keep touching my fucking wrist… You asshole." I force out, feeling my raw throat burning with all of the screaming I've done. "And you left my food over there, I'm starving…"

I'm shocked when Sora gives me a little smile and kisses my forehead. I have spent the past half hour screaming at him and everything around me, and he kisses me? "I'm sorry, Riku… I know I'm an idiot. I'll work on fixing that, okay? And I can teach you everything your dad didn't mention. I'll help you with everything, just like I promised you I would." He kisses my forehead again and then moves down my face, planting kisses down my cheeks, on the tip of my nose, behind my ear and the top of my head. By the time he's made his way to my lips my anger is gone and I'm left with the guilt and tears.

"I promise it really is alright, Riku." He whispers, taking my face in his hands and wiping away my tears. He gives me that same little smile and kisses me, gently prodding until I finally kiss him back. I can feel the happiness coming from him as I do, and a little of it spreads to me.

He pulls away too soon for my liking and starts kissing my cheeks and nose again, drawing a laugh from me as his spikes tickle my face. He starts smirking again and before I realize he has anything planned I'm thrown onto the couch with Sora on top of me, and I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe as Sora starts tickling me. "S-sora, stop it! You know I hate that!" I yell through the laughs, trying to grab onto his arms and hold him back. My efforts are pitiful when he shoves my shirt up to under my chin, exploiting all my ticklish spots from when we were kids.

"So-rah!" I squeak, tears falling again from the laughter as I start wheezing. "I can't breathe! It's no fair, So! I c-can't be expected to defend when I've been crying!"

Sora doesn't bother to respond for at least five more minutes and continues his relentless assault on my poor torso. By the time he's finished I'm sobbing again, though this time because of the tickling. Sora is laughing too, and finally collapses on top of me. He stays like that for a few minutes and then grabs me again and rolls over, pulling me so that I'm lying on top of him. "I really do love you, Riku." He tells me, brushing my hair out of my face. "Even if your hair is kind of crazy right now."

"Yea, well it is your fault it looks like this." I mumble, reaching up to try to smooth it out. Sora laughs and grabs my wrists, stopping me.

"Just leave it, Ku. The messy look is nice on you too." He sits up a little and captures my lips in another kiss, giving a satisfied sigh as he falls back again. "I meant what I said, too. I'll do everything I can so that you never have another reason to be mad at me."

"Thanks, Sora…" I mumble, laying my head on his chest. "I'm sorry. I didn't have control, I couldn't stop… Did I hurt you?" Sora shakes his head and kisses my forehead again.

"Nah, I'm okay. You are pretty weak when you cry." He tells me, giving me an apologetic smile when I glare at him. "Hey, Riku?"

"Yes?"

"You think I could start making everything up to you by showing you what happens when I don't pull away?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Okay, I'll be honest; I'm not too pleased with that last chapter. But it's already published, so no going back! On to chapter ten! This shall be the first time one of my stories get into double digit chapters; I'm a little excited for this one even if I do feel bad for Riku. The warnings for this chapter are language, yaoi (noncon to a degree), and violence. **

"S-sora! No, you can't! Were you not just paying attention to what happened?" I asked, feeling my face heating up yet again. Damn this stupid blush… "We aren't doing anything like that for a long time, for all we know that is what made it worse!" I try to sit up and get off the couch but Sora's hands around my wrists stop me. I hide the wince as his fingers dig into the gauze wrapped around my wrist, but Sora's expression shows he knows something is up.

"Hey, Riku, you mentioned something about your wrist when you were angry at me. What is wrong? Let me see, maybe I can heal it." He tells me, releasing my good wrist to try to pull my sleeve down to expose the hurt wrist.

I quickly pry his fingers off of my wrist and yank it out of his grip, trying to hide the panic I feel at the thought of him seeing. I can't let him stop me now. The darkness is getting too controlling, this is one of the few things I can do on my own to stop it. "I-it's okay. I just hurt it when I fell in the parking lot. I wrapped an ace bandage around it, so I'll be alright."

He nods, easily believing the lie. "In that case, let's get you something to eat then. Don't want you passing out on me or something." He easily sits up, even with my added weight on his chest. He grabs me before I slide off the couch and gives me another grin that makes my heart do a flip inside my chest. For a second I'm panicked again, thinking it was something from the darkness, but I have to write it off as Sora's effect on me after a moment. "We need to get you something other than what was on that tray…. Cloud took that when he left. I swear he eats more than us combined."

"Maybe, uh… Maybe you should just get it and bring it in here." I mumble, eying the door to the kitchen warily. I don't ever want to see Leon or Cloud again… Leon looked so crushed when I started screaming at him. _'I fucking hate you, Leon. You can't fix me, you are useless. You'll never be as good as my parents and I hate you for replacing them!'_

Sora sighs and hugs me again. "Riku, Cloud made sure he knew you didn't have control. It is the darkness. It doesn't want you to leave, so it is trying to drive away the people who can help. Leon understands why you said that. I promise."

I shake my head and move away from Sora, sitting on the far edge of the couch. "It doesn't matter. I still said it. Didn't you see his face? He has been so worried about me hating him for coming here and I went ahead and said I do! We've had so many conversations about him not actually replacing them and…" I lean forward and rest my head in my hands, trying to fight off the headache that is starting. "I don't think he wants to see me either."

Sora nearly replies but seems to think better of it. "…Okay. I'll bring you some food." He reaches over to ruffle my hair, probably making it even worse than it was before, and stands. "Are you craving anything?" I shake my head, not moving from my hunched over position. Sora nods and leaves me alone in the living room, turning off the television as he does. The last noise from the tv is some television parent wishing his child luck on his first day of college and the image cuts away just as the father and son hug.

I'm left in complete silence aside from the noise of my own breathing. My head is spinning despite my attempts to still the movement and I groan, starting to feel the urge to be sick again. I can't get sick, I haven't eaten in two days… This isn't fair.

_Nothing is fair. Life isn't, fights aren't, and love definitely isn't fair. Haven't you learned that yet, Riku? _The darkness purrs, and the sound seems to rattle around in my head and make things worse. I quickly lie on the couch, trying to still myself so that the room doesn't spin quite to the degree it has been. I'm still on the couch but I feel like I'm about to fall off any second. _And I'm certainly not fair, right? Poor you, forced to speak the truth. Must be horrible, huh?_

"That wasn't… That is not the truth." I growl, reaching up to grab onto the couch to steady myself. I keep a white knuckle grip on it, feeling only a little safer. "It was lies."

_Oh, was it? I'm not so sure about that. I've been with you a few years now and I'd like to think that I have gotten a little better at reading you. And you, my little boy toy, are filled with hatred. It isn't all directed at me, is it? You hate your parents, you hate Leon, you hate Cloud and Sora and sometimes you even hate Tachi don't you? _

"No! I don't, I don't hate any of them…" The world spins violently and even though I should be still I find myself slamming into the ground below the couch. "Stop it. I hate _you_. No one else."

The world ripples around me and I roll over, holding myself up on all fours as I start dry heaving. There is absolutely nothing in my stomach and nothing left to throw up, but my body is trying to expel the darkness again and I can't stop the motion. _You will never learn, will you? If you just admit the truth things will be so much easier on you. I'll make all of this stop if you admit it, Riku. You won't feel sick anymore. _

". . . Fuck off." I growl again, gasping when the darkness coiled in my stomach starts piercing me. I can feel the darkness stabbing through my body even if there are no real injuries, and I bite into my abused lip in an attempt to stay silent. The already punctured lip starts bleeding again, dripping onto the carpet under me.

_Ooh, sucks for you. That was the wrong answer. That is one of your fears, isn't it? Me doing that to you terrifies you for some reason. Will I really have to resort to that to get you to start giving into me again? _The darkness asks, pulling all of the dark inside of me out through the hole in my stomach. I cover my mouth with both hands, resting my forehead against the carpet and hold back the scream.

"You can't." I say, voice muffled by my hands. The darkness understands, though, and I feel an immense amount of relief as it completely retreats. It is still in the room right next to me, but it isn't touching me. "I won't let you."

_Oh, damn. _The darkness curses, moving a few inches away. _Well, if you are going to tell me I'm not allowed to do something I guess that is it, hm? I am as useless as you are now, I can't do anything. Who told you that, Riku? Who revealed the big secret? _I laugh from behind my hands and finally move them, feeling a little better without the darkness on me. I move to stand but before I can the darkness slams into me and sends me back to the ground. A shiver of fear runs through me as two heavy hands grab onto my hips hard enough to bruise and pull me back into the darkness. _Too bad they lied to you, Riku. I can do whatever I want to you and you can't stop me. You are my, what is the term they use now, bitch? _

I scream when the heavy hands roll me over and there is the Riku Replica, hovering over me. Even though he died years ago he seems to have aged with me, and now he's several inches taller than me and has to have at least forty pounds on me. _Well, what did you expect? It would just be awkward to do this without a body, hmm? My natural form doesn't exactly have all the parts needed, and this poor little soul deserves a little revenge. You are the one that killed him, after all. Maybe now he'll feel proud, he's finally stronger than his original. And he gets to help destroy him._

"No! Let go of me, get the fuck off!" I scream, struggling to get out from under the replica. He laughs, sounding just a little deeper than the voice I have now, and pins my hands above me like Sora does. Instead of embarrassment I can feel terror starting to paralyze me and try to kick away the darkness that is inside the other me. "You can't, get off of me!"

_You should stop fighting now. It will be worse if you struggle. _The replica tells me, a sickly pleased smirk in place. _I won't hold back if you hurt yourself fighting me. It just makes things more enjoyable for me. _

"Get away from me you sick bastard! You can't do this!" He grins at my fear and reaches down with his free hand to rip my shirt off. I start struggling again, managing to rip an arm out of his grip. I punch him and scramble away from him, hissing as long nails rip into my sleeves and the bandages around my wrist. "Fuck off already!"

I feel a hint of satisfaction as Replica mops at a bloody nose, but the satisfaction dies when he starts giving off a visible dark aura, an ability I lost months ago. _I warned you. _

He lunges forward and grabs me by the shirt, succeeding in ripping the material off, and slams me back into the ground. My head hits the ground with an audible slap and for a moment I can't see, but I continue fighting against the hands on me. I punch the Replica in the face again and manage to kick him away but it is only a second before he is on top of me, slamming a fist into the side of my head. Before I can hope to defend myself he has another punch into my gut, hard enough that my breathing is reduced to nothing but wheezes.

Replica grabs me by the ripped shirt and hauls me onto my feet long enough to slam me into the table, laughing when the weak table crumbles under my weight. He grabs one of the legs of the table and slams it over my wrists, holding them beneath it with only one of his own hands.

"Stop it, stop… I'll fucking kill you." I moan, feeling my head about to split. I couldn't see straight anymore. Between the blows to the head and the massive headache, I knew I wasn't going to be able to defend myself. I was in serious trouble.

_Oh, that won't be happening any time soon. I'm not finished with you yet. Now be a good boy and stop struggling, it will be better if you stop now. _He tells me, pinning my legs down under his knees. I can't move as he reaches to remove my jeans and I scream again, demanding to be let go. _Scream all you want, Riku. It just makes this be-?!_

I can barely make out a bloody blade just a few inches in front of my face and I scream again, trying to get away from it. The blade that I dimly recognize as a keyblade twisted around and Replica screamed, almost covering the sound of a dark, angry growl. "If you want to live, you will move your hands away from my Riku now."

_Ooh, getting angry? _Replica asks, smirking even with a keyblade through his chest. I wince as his blood starts dripping onto me and try to move out from under him, but I'm not able to. My breath starts coming out in whimpers and I hear another growl that has to be Sora. How did his voice get that low? _Are you mad that I'm getting further than you did?_

"Ooh, sucks for you. That was the wrong answer." Sora growled, yanking his keyblade up. Replica's body was pulled away from me as a result and Replica sucked in a quick breath, trying not to scream. "You should stop fighting now. It will be worse if you struggle." He snarls, and I feel another shiver of fear. Sora is using the same words Replica did, he sounds just like him…

Replica screams as Sora gets a better grip on his keyblade and yanks him away from me, finally letting me breathe. I bite my still bleeding lip to keep from screaming again and work on pulling myself out of the splinters of wood around me. There was something digging into me, and I needed to get away from it…

Replica screams again, but I refuse to look. I don't want to see what Sora is doing to him, it has to be bad. "Oh, I'm not stopping anytime soon. I want you to beg for your death. Look at what you have done to Riku. Damn it, _look at what you did to Riku!" _There is another scream from the replica and I try to block it out but find myself unable to. I hear the sickening sound of the keyblade severing a limb and cringe as I crawl towards the couch to pull myself up. There is something wrong with my leg, it is too weak and won't listen to what I say…

"Sora! What is going on?!" Cloud shouts from the door just as I get to the couch. "Sora, what the fuck- are you hurt?" There is another scream from Replica and I can't help the tears that start to form when I hear what is essentially me screaming for mercy from Sora.

This scream is different, though. There is a gurgle coming from the Replica and I know he's starting to cough up blood. And if the hot liquid in my mouth is any sort of indication, I'm starting to as well. "This is all his blood, Cloud. It's all this fucking filth's." He seems to notice the Replica's deteriorating state and growls again. "Don't you dare fucking die yet! I'm not done with you!"

There is chaos as Cloud realizes Sora is torturing a man, and one that looks like me no less. Cloud runs forward and I can hear a struggle between them, with Sora trying to kill and Cloud trying to defend. "Sora! Just stop and explain to me what is going on! You are going to kill him!" No one notices when I start coughing, and I don't last more than a few seconds upright before I fall back hard, feeling something digging into my back again. Fuck, that hurt.

I there is a face above me, though I'm not able to make out more than brown hair. I assume it is Sora and reach out for him, letting the arms wrap around me. "You are okay now, Riku." He tells me, and I feel my stomach contract when I feel myself leaving the floor. I'd definitely prefer to stay on the ground….

"I'm taking him to the kitchen." The voice speaks again, and now that my head is clearing a little I can hear that it is Leon. I feel myself tensing when I realize it is Leon's arms around me. No, no, he can't be here… I don't want him to see me. "To the kitchen table. We'll have better light there and more room to work."

"No! No, no table." I mumble, quickly wrapping my arms around Leon's neck so he can't set me down. Tables collapsed under me, I had the bruises across my back and wrists to prove it. If I was sitting anywhere it would be in a chair or on the floor, those were secure enough.

Leon mumbled something but I stopped listening. I tightened my grip around his neck, wincing when all ten cuts on my arm were grating against Leon's jacket. I realized I was bleeding on him but refused to let go of him for fear of being set down. "I don't… I don't feel so good." I groan, burying my head in the crook of his neck.

There is another scream in my voice and I cringe. I hate hearing this. "Please stop… Don't hurt him, it's the darkness doing it…"

"Fine. But I'm going to have to set you down so that I can help Cloud get Sora to stop. Are you okay with that?" I quickly nod even if I know I'm not okay with it. I can't stand to hear the screams anymore, I just need it to stop.

I hold back a whimper when I'm set on a chair in the kitchen and Leon clearly isn't pleased with the idea of leaving me behind, but I wave off his concerns and point to the living room. "Stop him."

That is all Leon needs to hear and he pulls out his gunblade, sighing. He goes into the living room and I hear yet another scream that is in my voice, but at this point I'm not sure if it is me or the replica anymore. There are more screams and the sounds of a struggle, but I can't focus on it. My vision is still swimming and there is a pain that keeps worsening in my back.

I groan and reach behind me with a numb hand, trying to find whatever is hurting me. After a second I cringe and start to feel panic rising again. There is wood sticking out of me. Fuck. I can't tell how bad it is and I can't see. What if it is in too deep? Should I pull it out or leave it in there?

"Riku, you are fine." Leon is back. My arms automatically reach for him even though I try to fight the urge, and I relax once he reaches forward and pulls me into a hug. His fingers brush along the wood in my back but he doesn't outwardly react in a way I can read. "Just sleep, Riku. I know you are tired. When you wake up you'll be okay and Sora will be back."

"It hurts too much to sleep…" I groan, grip tightening on Leon's shirt as he tries to pull the wood out. He pulls it out only a couple centimeters at a time and I can't help but the cry that it draws from me. "Leon, don't. Just pull it out already, you are killing me."

I instantly regret telling him that. The piece of table is ripped out of me and blood starts dripping down my back, mixing with the blood of my replica. I can't tell what is his and what is mine anymore… "Riku, you really need to sleep now."

"You try sleeping like this!" I scream, feeling my frustration peak again. This is too much, I hate this, it is too hard to handle. I need Sora back, the one that didn't just try to torture the other me… "I can't, Leon. Just fix me already."

Leon looks guilty for a second and backs away from me. I stand on shaky feet and try to follow him when he leaves the room. "I'm sorry! C-come back, Leon, I'm sorry…" I don't last long on my feet. One leg gives out and I crash to the floor, growling at myself. I'm useless. I can't even follow Leon to apologise…

"I'm not going anywhere, Riku. I just had to get something." He tells me, and then there are arms lifting me again. I'm set on the chair yet again and then Leon is going through a bag, mumbling things about never thinking he'd have to use it.

"What are you…?" Leon pours something onto a cloth and holds his breath, lifting the soaking cloth to my face. I realize it is supposed to knock me out and try to move away but Leon grabs my chair and pulls me closer.

"It's okay, I'll catch you. It will make you fall asleep and you won't feel any of this." Leon tells me, pulling the cloth away for a second so I can breathe. "You'll be alright. I promise."

". . . Fine." I mumble, reaching for his hand. He lets me pull his arm closer and gives me a small smile that I'm sure is supposed to be reassuring. "Make sure you and Sora are there when I wake up…" Leon promises me that they will be there and I inhale whatever is on the cloth, not letting go of Leon. My already foggy mind quickly descends into unconsciousness, and it is only a few seconds before I start falling to the chair. True to his word Leon does catch me and I fall asleep feeling very much relieved.


	11. Chapter 11

**Okay, again I'm not too pleased with the last chapter. Hopefully this one will start to make up for it. Oh, by the way, one thing I am pleased with? This has been read almost 500 times in only a little over a week! Holy crap, thank you guys! I think this is the fastest a story has ever gained popularity.  
Anyway, let's get back to the story already. Usual warnings apply here as well. Language, violence and maybe a little bit of yaoi too. Wow. I really didn't plan on having this much violence in here when I started.**

My sleep is filled with nightmares. Young Replica is there, crying and telling me I was wrong. When he died I told him his soul would go to the same place as mine, but he keeps telling me he was in hell until he was dragged out by the darkness. And then he was tortured without mercy… He runs up to me and clutches at my shirt, telling me that I have to protect him. He doesn't want to be scared anymore but he's terrified of being used by the darkness again. He's barely shoulder height to me and seems so breakable now… Was I really that small at his age?

I promise him that I'll protect him, but before I can finish the promise Older Replica is there. He has that same smirk and he's missing an arm, but he manages to somehow grab Young Replica and me both. The dream shifts and I'm inside a cage, watching as Older Replica tortures Young Replica. Little Replica is screaming and crying as Older Replica rips into him with the many tools at his disposal.

The child me only lasts a few minutes before he dies, and I'm relieved when he finally does. I can't save him, but at least he's actually dead now… Older Replica can't get him.

Though that does mean Older Replica is after me now. He gives me an inhumanely wide smirk that literally splits his face and he unlocks the door to my cage, grabbing me before I can fight him. Even though he is missing an arm Older Replica quickly overpowers me and drags me to the table that Little Replica died on. He throws the child's body to the side and slams me onto the metal, quickly strapping my arms down so that I can't move.

The dream shifts slightly and then it is my bare skin on the cold metal table. I scream when I realize the dream took away all of my clothes and try to fight to get away, but struggling does nothing but make the metal restraints cut into my arms.

_Now, where did we leave off, Riku? _Older Replica asks, reaching for me…

"_No!" _I wake up with a scream, sitting up so fast my head starts spinning. I don't bother trying to hold back the whimper and I back up until my back hits the headboard and curl my knees up to my chest. My entire body is shaking and I still can't breathe, but it takes me a few minutes to realize how sore I am. My entire body seems to be aching, and the burning in my stomach does nothing to help me breathe again. "You can't do that, darkness… You can't. I won't let you…" I mumble into the pitch black room around me.

"Shit…" I feel my fear returning when I realize I can't see anything. There is too much darkness, I'm not safe here… "Liar. He promised he and Sora would be here…" I curl up further in on myself, pulling the blanket around me and covering my ears with my hands. My eyes close soon after and I start humming to try to block out the silence around me. I don't want to be in the dark, but I can't move to get away… I'm not safe anywhere, but at least if something gets on the bed I'll be able to tell. I don't want to be here, I don't want to be awake anymore…

I scream when the door opens on creaky hinges, loud enough to get through the sound of my humming. The light floods into my room in the form of a flashlight, and I can see nothing but a black shadow behind the light.

_Boom!_

I scream again when the unexpected thunder rattles the house, drawing further in on myself. "L-leave me alone, I don't want to do this anymore…" I whisper to the figure, flinching when it draws closer to the bed. I expect it to be Older Replica again and try to crawl away, but remember I'm already backed against the headboard of the bed. I have nowhere to go.

"No, Riku, it's okay. I'm here." It is Sora's voice, thank God. The light of the flashlight leaves me, illuminating the worried face of my… best friend? Boyfriend? What is Sora to me now?

"The storm took out the power and we had to get supplies." Leon speaks this time and another dark shadow enters the room. Sora aims the flashlight towards the door and I laugh a little as Leon comes in carrying all sorts of snacks. "Cloud demanded that we have enough food in here." Sora laughs as he sits next to me and wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him.

"Damn right I did. I also brought something I thought you guys might like." Cloud says, coming in right as Leon begins dumping the food on the bed. I immediately reach for the apple, making a little disappointed sound when Sora grabs it first. He notices I was reaching for it and grins, setting it down in his lap and reaching into his pocket. "First, I have a lantern so we don't have to hold the flashlights." Cloud tells us and I wince as the entire room is illuminated and Sora grins, switching off his flashlight and pulling a Swiss army knife out of his pocket. He wipes it off on his jeans and starts cutting into the apple, handing me each piece as he does.

I'm too hungry to complain about the babying so I simply take everything I'm offered, trying to remember to eat slowly. "Hey!" Cloud complains, shaking the lantern to make the shadows dance around the room for our attention. I make another panicked sound and back away from the moving shadows and closer to Sora, immediately making Cloud stop. "Sorry…" He mumbles, setting the lantern back down. "But you aren't even looking at what I brought! This is supposed to be cool!" I take another cut piece of apple from Sora and take a little bite as I look over to Cloud. He's holding a bunch of blankets and pillows, I don't understand…

Sora seems to get it though. His grin widens and he nods. "Yes! That is freaking amazing! We need chairs, I can go get some!" He drops the apple and knife, not hearing my huff as he runs out and leaves me alone on the bed. I grab the apple and the knife, eying them warily. Do I trust my hands enough to try to cut this, or would I hurt myself?

Leon decides for me. He sits on the other side of me and takes both away from me, cutting me a piece and offering it to me. I mumble my thanks and accept the apple piece, taking another bite. "We are going to make a blanket fort. Did you ever do that when you were a child?"

After another little bite of apple I nod. "Yea, I did. Me, Sora, and my dad would all set up in here on stormy nights. I wasn't scared, of course, but Sora was terrified so I did it for him." Leon knows I'm lying and laughs, cutting another piece of the apple. This one he gives to himself, eating it all in one bite. "We'd sit with a lantern in the middle of us, giving us all light. Sora would usually pull out some kind of book and try to read to us, but he couldn't get very far in them without asking for help from me. So my dad would take it and then we'd sit huddled under a blanket together and he'd read to us." I'm thankful for the shadow Leon's body casts over me, because he can't see the tears that are starting to form. I can't hide my choked up voice, though, and he does notice that. "I miss it. We haven't done that in a while."

". . . He sounds like a great man." Leon says after a few minutes silence. "I regret not having the chance to meet him. Anyone who could raise a boy like you is pretty alright in my book."

Sora comes back in carrying the tall kitchen chairs. Cloud quickly helps him set up and I smile sadly as I watch them work. "I think he'd like you too. Sometimes you remind me of him. Like right now. He used to do the same thing with the apples. He'd start out feeding me and then he'd forget and eat all of it."

Leon looks down at the apple core in his hands and laughs, reaching forward for something else to eat. He grabs an orange and starts peeling it, throwing the peels in a waste basket next to the bed. "And how you both worry about me, sometimes you show it in the same ways. You have the same glares when I mess something up too."

I accept the orange segment offered to me and take a bite, cringing when the juice explodes over my still busted lip. I had forgotten about that… Leon realizes the mistake and curses, throwing what is left of the orange at Sora. He catches it without even looking towards us and after a minute realizes what he is holding is food. He and Cloud both take a break from the fort building and split the orange between the two of them. "Hey, you haven't messed anything up, Riku. And you know what? You remind me a little of myself when I was your age. Though you don't have the amazing hair I had."

I laugh and try to smooth out my hair again, realizing as I raise my hand that my wrist is bandaged. Crap. Do they know? "Hey, um, Leon?"

He notices the look I'm giving my wrist and stops his search through all of the food. "He got you pretty good there. There are about ten thin cuts going across your wrist and a few jagged cuts going down. You don't need to worry, though, it is deep but not life threatening." He takes my relief as relief that I'm not dying and starts digging through the food again. "Salt is a bad idea, nothing citrus…."

I sigh and look down at my legs, seeing that I still haven't really uncurled yet. My breathing is mostly normal now but my hands haven't stopped shaking despite the fact that I know I'm safe now. I have Leon, Sora, and Cloud here; nothing can get to me…

The bed dips down beside me and I jump when a hand holds mine. I look up to see Sora smiling at me, and I feel my stomach growling again when I can smell the orange on his breath. "Hey, Riku, you look so sad. Let's see a smile, okay?" He widens his own smile and I can't help my laughter when his expression goes from sweet to idiotic. He's clearly pleased with my laughter and chuckles as well, pulling me into a hug that I don't try to get out of. "There we go. I like it better when you are happy."

"That makes two of us." Leon says, smiling and offering me a piece of a pear pierced on the knife. I carefully pull it off and start chewing on it. I feel my face reddening from the embarrassment and I'm thankful when Cloud plops down across the foot of the bed, bringing with him a distraction.

"Well, while you were all being lazy I finished the fort." He motions to the other side of the room and I'm shocked to see a huge fort that will easily hold all four of us. How did he manage to make something that big so quickly? "Go on, hop up out of bed and go check it out."

Leon and Sora both stand up at the same time and look back at me, waiting for me to follow. I realize for the second time that I'm still curled up and I slowly stretch out my legs, waiting for the blood to start pumping through them. "Hey, you want some help, Riku?"

I nod without really thinking much of it and Sora reaches forward, hands going to my hips to turn me to face him. The second he starts pulling me I flinch and slap his hands away, quickly backing away from him and starting to panic. I would have fallen off of the bed if Leon wasn't on the other side to stop me. "Riku?"

I flinch at his confused look and stare down at the bed as I clear my throat. "I, uh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Sora. I just… I didn't think I'd get that freaked out. Fuck, I'm an idiot." Sora shakes his head and I can tell he wants to challenge what I said but I don't let him. "Right, we haven't looked at the fort yet." I ignore my still panicked breathing and crawl back to the side of the bed Sora is at, feeling my face heating up again when I'm aware of everyone looking at me. I slide off the bed next to Sora and take his hand again, giving him a weak smile. "Let's see a smile, okay?"

Sora quickly does as I ask and he gives me a grin that makes my heart do another flip inside my chest. The smile morphs into a smirk and he steps away, motioning to the blanket fort that is now illuminated from the inside. It is a mass of blankets with pillows spilling out from the inside, and the sight is so familiar it is like a pain in my chest. "You should enter first, mi lady." He tells me as he bows.

"Hey! I am not a girl!" I yell, face reddening even more when every guy in the room laughs. "I'm not! I'm very much male!"

"Riku, you can't really blame me for calling you one… Not only is your hair longer and softer than Kairi's, but you _have _worn a dress for me before." Sora tells me as his smirk widens, laughing again when Cloud's laugh turns into a snort.

"That only happened because you put me in it while I was asleep, you jerk!" I huff, flipping my hair in a way that probably isn't helping my case. "Whatever. Jerk. I'm going in first anyway." Sora snickers as I bend over to enter the blanket fort and I don't realize why until I feel a hand making contact with my ass. I let out a shriek, hands immediately moving to cover it. "Sora! That stings you jerk!" I quickly move inside the tent and sit in the middle of the mass of pillows and blankets around me, glaring at Sora when he enters. "Asshole."

"Hey, it was right there! I couldn't resist! You do have a very nice-"

"Okay!" Leon yells, having to get on all fours to enter the tent. "Talking about my little brother now, let's stop with the compliments about his ass!" Cloud laughs from outside the tent and pushes Leon forward, making him land with an 'oomph' right beside me. Cloud laughs and gives Leon's own ass an exaggerated look as he enters and sits beside him.

"Well if it is anywhere near as nice as yours I think Sora is pretty damn lucky." Cloud smirks as Leon straightens up and punches him in the arm hard enough I wince for him. "Aw, look Sora, both of them are blushing!"

"I do not want to hear about Leon's anything…" I mumble, grabbing a pillow and using it to hide my face. They'd laugh at me anyway so I may as well keep them from seeing just how bad it is… "So let's just find something new to talk about, okay?"

I yelp as the pillow is pulled away and my blush gets even worse when Sora's face is only inches from mine. "Heh. Okay, we can read a story instead." He quickly pecks me on the lips and my automatic reaction is to squeak and cover my lips so he can't do it again. Leon and Cloud were less than two feet away, kissing is not cool!

"Ooh, story time!" Cloud laughs. "We need snacks. I'll go get all the stuff. Even the pear you forgot, Leon." He scrambles out of the fort, nearly knocking over one of the supports as he does. It takes a few minutes for him to grab all of the food but eventually he gets back into the fort with all of the food spilling over in his arms. It is all dropped in my lap and Sora laughs, grabbing a bag of chips. "Okay, you can read now. I think I'm good."

Sora nods and pulls out a book, grinning as he opens to the first page. I can't help but laugh as he starts using a phony British accent to help along the story. "To Sherlock Holmes she is always _the _woman. I have seldom heard him mention her under any other name…"

I sigh and lean against Sora as he reads, looking down at the familiar pages. He doesn't complain when I run my hands over the old, worn book. Even if I blocked the words we both have the entire book memorized. I close my eyes as I rest my head on his shoulder, trying to hold on to the happiness I'm feeling. Despite the bruises and wounds scattered across me, I find I'm incredibly happy right now. I have everyone I really need, even if I do miss Tachi.

Leon offers me another bit of pear and I accept it eagerly, taking a bite and breathing a sigh of relief when my stomach finally seems to be calming down. "Hey, um, Riku?" I slowly open my eyes again and see Sora pointing out a word, obviously embarrassed. I can't help but laugh at the all too familiar picture and hug him tightly, glad I get to see a little of the old Sora.

"It's 'dubious.' That means questionable, not to be trusted." I supply, still chuckling as his glare morphs into a pout directed at me.

"Don't giggle at me like that, Riku. It's not my fault I haven't seen this book in like ten years." He huffs, though he's not able to keep it up for long. After only a few seconds he's grinning again. "Even your laugh is turning feminine, you better watch out Riku. Soon you really will be girly."

"J-just get back to reading the book, Sora!" I yell, feeling the blush rising again. I back away from him and lean against Leon instead, trying not to laugh when Leon smirks and gives Sora a look that clearly says 'ha, now he's mine'. "You were on 'And yet there was but one woman to him, and that woman was the late Irene Adler, of dubious and questionable memory.' "

Sora rolls his eyes and starts reading again, not pleased with the fact that I hadn't returned to him. I stay leaning against Leon for a good while, listening to A Scandal in Bohemia and half of The Red-Headed League before I start to get tired. I'm annoyed at myself for sleeping so much in the past few days but find myself unable to hold it off, so I brush the snacks out of the way and curl up between Leon and Sora, able to barely mumble a spoiler for A Case Of Identity before I fall asleep to the sound of Cloud's upset cries. Haha, looks like he had never read Sherlock Holmes before.


	12. Chapter 12

**For everyone who didn't know what was going on when Sora mentioned Riku in a dress, that did actually happen. That was in the prequel to this one (Rain, Bets, and Food Fights)**. **I believe it was in the last chapter of that one.**

When I wake up the lanterns batteries have died. It seems the power has come back on though. I can hear the hum of electricity and the lights are on outside the fort, which means I'm able to make out the shapes of everyone around me. I can't help a grin when I see Leon and Cloud on their side of the fort. Cloud has his arms wrapped around Leon, holding him close even in their sleep.

I turn my head, ignoring the protests of my body that I can already feel starting, and feel my face heat up a little when I find Sora. He's right behind me and I recognize a weight on my waist as his arm around me. At some point in the night I can tell he was holding me like Cloud was holding Leon, but now he's sprawled out in his sleep. He made sure not to let go of me the entire night though, and I can only assume that is why I didn't have any nightmares.

I look around the fort once more and decide since I'm the first awake it is my duty to start a pot of coffee. I'm sure everyone else will need it anyway. I have no way of knowing what goes on while I sleep, but I have to assume it is a lot of worrying and not much sleeping.

So I carefully lift Sora's arm and drape it across his stomach, thankful he's such a heavy sleeper. He doesn't seem to really notice when I roll away from him and crawl across the fort floor to get to the exit. Cloud stirs a little as I move past him but other than that, no one seems to be bothered by my movements.

I reach up to carefully pull away the sheet covering the exit, freezing when I hear a disapproving voice. _Nope, not happening, Riku. You love them so much you can stay in there. Maybe you'll pass out from no food or something. The big blonde did eat everything last night._

I growl at the voice but make no move to push aside the sheet now. Instead I sit back and stare at the door, quietly mumbling a response. "You are being ridiculous. Keeping me in here does nothing for you, why not let me out?" I back away from the exit when I see a shadow cross over the fort, though I'm not sure if it is really there or if it is just my imagination.

_Every little bit of control I get does something for me. I could keep you locked in here forever if I wanted, couldn't I? You are afraid enough to obey me now for the most part. That, little boy toy, does far more than you can imagine. So stay in there and be a good little boy, or that Replica will be the least of your worries. _

The shadow passes over our fort again and I pull my knees up to my chest, staying exactly where I am. I hate the darkness for being right, but I know I won't be moving for a while. There is no way I can risk leaving the fort. The shadow might be something worse than the replica…

So I wait. I try not to pay attention to how my body is starting to cramp up, or how my back has started to go numb. I know leaving would be worse than whatever damage this position does to me, and if I moved around to get comfortable I could wake everyone else up. So I'm stuck in the same spot, counting the seconds as they pass to keep track of time and watching as the shadow continually paces outside.

One thousand three hundred and eighty seconds later, that is, twenty-three minutes, I realize something rather disappointing. I need to go to the bathroom. But the shadows pacing has become more aggravated and I can hear his footsteps, which leads me to believe it is definitely not a shadow out there but a real person waiting for me to disobey. And that means I can't leave this fort for a few weeks, when I'm fully healed and have a hope of defending myself. That is just fantastic. "Please let me go? I'll make an extra cup of coffee for you…" I mumble, feeling ridiculous for trying to bait the darkness with coffee of all things. "Or I could make cookies for you, darkness. Do you eat?"

The darkness laughs at that, and I can feel the ground shaking below me as it does. _Sure, come on out. _I can't believe that worked. I grin and start to uncurl from the position I put myself in, but just as I reach for the sheet again the darkness continues. _But if you do come out, I'll still sick my little friend on you. I'm sure after the activities we have planned he'd like you to cook him a nice breakfast. So come on out, Riku, don't be shy. _

"Damn it." I quickly back away from the exit, trying to figure out who is out there. If they are weak enough I might be able to take them down, but I don't picture the darkness picking someone easy… The footfalls were heavy, so it had to be someone big. And right now I doubt I could handle someone Sora-sized.

So yet again I'm left waiting, feeling even more ridiculous. Some hero of the keyblade I am. The darkness tells me to sit and stay, and I actually do it. I just stare at the exit with a mixture of fear and hatred, listening to the darkness and the shadow laughing at me. Damn them.

I loose count of the seconds after only three minutes, and for a while there is nothing to distract me. I focus on the sounds of laughter and footsteps, my entire body tensing and just waiting for a hand to reach in and pull me out of the fort.

But after what I assume is about ten more minutes, I hear something moving behind me. I'm afraid to see what it is, so I don't move. If the thing is inside the fort I'm in trouble, and I really don't want to see this happen…

"Riku?" I jump when I hear the voice, but calm down when I realize it is just Cloud. "What are you doing, Riku? It is too early for you to be awake." There is more movement and I assume he's moving away from Leon. I feel my cheeks starting to heat in shame when he crawls next to me and tries to figure out what is wrong.

"I, uh…" There is no way I can ask him to go check for monsters. I'm too old for this; I shouldn't be scared because the darkness is toying with me… And I definitely shouldn't need someone to check my room for big scary monsters. "I'm just thinking." I finish lamely, looking down at the floor before he can check my face to see if I'm lying.

Cloud can tell I'm lying. "Riku, I can pretty much guarantee that whatever is going on with you is something I've had myself or heard of happening. I meant it when I told you that you could talk to me." He sits next to me and I don't look up. "Did the darkness do something while we were asleep?" I shake my head and notice he relaxes a little. "Is it doing something now? Go ahead and tell me, Riku, I'm not leaving until I know you are good."

I sigh and look to the exit again, seeing the shadow retreating. It disappears before Cloud looks, but I can tell it is still out there. "I just… I can't tell if it is real or not. And I'm worried about leaving if it is real." I tell him.

Cloud nods and goes to the entrance, peeling back the sheet and checking. "That will happen a lot. There were times when they locked me up because I went insane. I didn't know what reality was and what the darkness was. Don't hold that in, Riku. Right now we are the only ones that can help you keep your sanity." He exits the fort completely and I can see his shadow cross over the fort as he searches the room. A few minutes later he kneels in front of the fort and pushes the curtain back, letting me see into the room. "That was the darkness, you can come out now. Let's go get something to eat, okay?"

I nod and quickly crawl out of the fort, surprised by the amount of relief I feel. The second I'm out I head to Leon's bathroom and ignore Cloud's laugh.

Okay, maybe it was a good idea to have someone check for monsters. I definitely don't want to go insane….


	13. Chapter 13

**Okay let's just go ahead and assume every chapter has language, violence, and yaoi in some form or another. I'm going to quickly tire of typing those same warnings at the top of every chapter. Do you really expect any different from me anymore? **

Cloud is starting a pot of coffee when I get out of the bathroom. Leon and Sora are nowhere to be found so I assume they are still asleep. "Hey, Riku." He smiles at me and offers me a seat at the bar but I don't take it. Instead I move to the refrigerator and check to see if the power outage spoiled any of the food.

I'm a bit shocked at how much food there is when I do open it. I had forgotten just how much Cloud bought for us. The fridge has more food than I think I've ever seen at one time. There are fruits and vegetables spilling out from every drawer and we even have eggs. It has been forever since I've had eggs! "What do you want, Ku? I can make pretty much anything you can think of."

"I want you to go sit down." I told Cloud, grabbing eggs and cilantro and everything else that looked good. "I'm going to do something around here for once." Cloud didn't seem too pleased with the idea but he consented and sat at the bar seat he offered me earlier. I couldn't help but laugh when he looked at me worriedly, trying to figure out how bad of a mess I was going to make.

"Relax, Cloud, I'll be neat. I'll even make sure I don't get anything on my clothes, okay?" That seemed to make Cloud feel a little better about me cooking so I grabbed an apron off the hook in the kitchen. It was black and on the front it said 'mister good looking is cooking'. I could easily remember the Father's Day we got that for Dad… I thought it was the worst apron Mom could possibly pick out. I wanted something cool, like the one that said "If I tell you the recipe I'd have to kill you", but Mom picked this one out and Dad loved it. He'd wake up extra early on Saturday mornings just so he could cook breakfast for everyone in it…

I shake my head and put the apron on, laughing when it is still just a little too long for me. Despite my attempts at keeping the memories at bay I can't help but think back to when I'd try to steal this thing and cook for my parents. Every attempt ended in me tripping and landing in whatever I made because the apron was too long for me to walk in. It fit my dad perfectly, but he was a pretty big guy. Now the thing went about six inches past my knees.

"You better hope Sora doesn't see you in that thing." Cloud said, snapping me out of my thoughts. I laugh nervously and grab a bowl out of the cabinets, setting it on the counter along with the other supplies I'd gathered for breakfast.

"Oh, it'll be fine. He knows this apron belongs, er, belonged to my dad. It's not like I bought it so I could call myself good looking." I see Cloud about to say something and quickly turn away, going back to the eggs. I start cracking them one handed like dad taught me, tossing the shells into the garbage. Cloud understands this isn't something I want to talk about so he lets it go and watches me work. As I'm scrambling the eggs he gets up and reaches above my head into one of the cabinets, pulling out a few seasonings I forgot were even there.

"Try some of this in there." He pushes paprika and a few other spices I don't recognize in. "Don't worry, it's good." He laughs at my unsure look and I eventually do as he recommends, throwing the spices into the eggs as I turn the gas on in the oven. The fire comes to life and I set a pan on the heat, waiting for a spoonful of butter to melt before I add in the eggs. "You want a second pair of hands? Even I don't do all of the cooking alone, you know. Leon or Sora help. It makes it more fun that way."

I know he's trying to be help so after a few minutes I agree. He happily sets to work beside me, getting a batter for French toast ready. We work together in an easy silence for a while, me making eggs and setting them on the four plates I had set out while he throws French toast into a heated pan. Once my job is finished I turn back to the cabinets and search for a pancake mix. I don't find any, but I notice we do have everything needed to make them, so I quickly pull everything out and set it on the counter furthest from the stove.

Cloud gives me a curious look but says nothing as I start opening the flour. The bag seems to be sealed tightly, because it's taking a lot more effort than it usually would… "Hey, Riku~" I jump when the voice is right at my ear, and unfortunately my grip tightens reflexively on the bag.

I scream as I'm enveloped in a cloud of flour, and I can hear Sora laughing beside me. "Damn it, Sora! You are supposed to be asleep! You got the apron all white…" Sora brushes his hand across my cheek, getting rid of some of the flour that stuck there. "You go back into the fort or something, you are in the way."

"Aw, but I wouldn't want to miss this! You are in a little apron cooking for me, it is adorable." He tells me, grin widening as I can feel a blush starting. He quickly reaches up and cleans off my other cheek, probably so that he can see the blush better. "I won't scare you again, I promise."

"Fort, Sora! Get to the fort now, you are too distracting!" He laughs again and kisses my forehead as he goes, covering his lips in flour. "Can't remember recipes if you are here being… you."

"Just let me know when I'm allowed out, okay?" He chuckles and nods to Cloud in a sort of greeting. Cloud, obviously amused as well, waves goodbye as Sora leaves. "I'll keep Leon out too. Don't want you guys chewing him out for coming out too."

I grumble some sort of acknowledgement and return to the pancake supplies, choosing to ignore the look that Cloud and Sora share before Sora is completely gone. Did I have everything Dad used to use? Flour, baking powder, sugar… "So, are you and Sora okay now? You two had a bit of a… bumpy patch for a minute there." Cloud says, not looking up from his cooking as I start measuring out flour.

"U-uh… Yea, I guess we are." I say, feeling my face heat up yet again. I too don't look up from what I'm doing. "He didn't do anything, though. It was all me freaking out and he says he understands, but… I still feel horrible. The guilt from that hurts worse than the physical healing that is going on right now."

Cloud nods, setting the last of the French toast on the plates. "That guilt won't go away easy. The darkness wants you to harp on that and cling to it. That keeps you from your light, right?" I nod slowly. The darkness has messed with me and made me not want to see either of them, but I have been resisting that pretty okay so far. At least… I have been some of the time. "Then you fight every negative feeling tooth and nail, Riku. I don't care how trivial it feels. If you feel bad I want you to fight against that and tell someone about it. Holding shit in right now _will_ get you killed and dragged into the darkness and you will not be able to get out again. This is it, if you blow this it is game over. Do you understand that?"

He stops setting the plates and turns around to face me, giving me a look that is equally serious and worried. I feel my mouth go dry and I can't respond for a minute. Sure, part of me knew that was the truth, but hearing it is so much harder than I thought it would be. I've escaped the darkness so many times before; this was seriously my last chance? "How… how do you know?"

"Has the darkness ever tried this hard to break you? Or do you feel a sort of desperation whenever it is around, like if you don't stop it now it will swallow you whole and you'll never get out? It's like you know everything around you is dying in slow motion but no one else can see it. You _know _they are killing themselves over you and it isn't worth it, but they keep going and it makes him insane. He taunts you and goads you into the fight and you _know _this is it, this is your last chance…" I can tell Cloud is talking from experience now. He isn't looking at me anymore and he's definitely not thinking about what is going on right now. His hand on the counter is clenched into a fist and it is trembling with the urge to hit something.

He seems to realize what he's doing after a moment and turns back to me. "You can feel your last fight approaching, and if you don't feel it now you will. But I'll be damned if you fight that alone, Riku. Your darkness will have to go over my dead body. I know what it can be like to do this alone and that will never happen to you." The image reminds me of the sickening sound of Leon's dead body hitting the ground and I flinch, not able to look at Cloud again because I'm afraid of seeing him dead too. "Don't worry, Riku. You really think the darkness can take down five keyblade wielders, a gunblade wielder, and me?"

". . . There are only two keyblade wielders here, Cloud. Sora and I are the only ones around that I want-"

"And you honestly believe your friends will stand by because you want us to step back? With one phone call Axel and Roxas will be here. Roxas is damn good with his blade and even if he doesn't like you he's loyal enough to Sora, so he'd fight. And if Roxas is here you know Axel will be. He's better with his chakrams, sure, but he does have his own keyblade now." He laughs at the thought of Axel with a keyblade for a moment and then gives me a little smirk. "And you really think King Mickey would leave you alone to battle your darkness? He was with you for a while in the realm of darkness, remember? And he was the one that came to your aid in Castle Oblivion. If I told him that you needed him he'd be here in a matter of minutes."

Yet again Cloud's words silence me. There was a time not too long ago I was _it. _If Sora or Kairi had trouble I would be the one they called, and I was the only one who could fix it. Not Wakka, not Tidus, me. I was the boss, the leader, the strong one, and the protector. And now there was a list of people who were willing to protect me from something I did to myself? I couldn't make sense of it, it didn't seem possible.

Cloud gives me a little smile and takes away the pancake batter, bringing it out of my line of sight. I don't move to stop him even though he doesn't know the recipe. I'm too wrapped up in my own thoughts, trying to find what is worth fighting for in _me. _Darkness filled, sarcastic, know it all me. I could understand that if we were talking about Sora, sure. He's light, happy, handsome, goofy, sweet, idiotic… But why me? I killed my own parents by opening a door to darkness. I _murdered _my family. I nearly killed Sora during our first adventure. I stole his keyblade and his allies and I tried to make them help me kill him…

I dimly recognize the sizzle of pancake batter cooking and Cloud bustling about in the background, but I don't make any move to help. My body has stopped listening to me now. Between the abuse it has suffered, the fear of what is to come, and the knowledge that people would die to stop it, I couldn't exactly get angry at the lack of response. I wish my mind would do the same and stop racing like this.

_Oh, is little Riku getting overwhelmed? _**It **purrs, and my body stiffens as I feel a hand I know isn't there resting on my cheek. _Don't worry, boy toy, the end isn't too far away. I won't make you wait too long. But we do have a few rounds left before the finale. _It scoffs when my hands start shaking. _Really, Riku? You are already showing signs of fear? Relax for once. If I wanted your little candy ass I would have it now. This is but a little reminder~ Enjoy your time in the light while you can. Because soon you'll be joining your little Replica in the darkness with me and all this will feel like nothing more than a brief little dream compared to the eternity you face with me. _

"Wh-what did you do to him? Is he really with you?" I whisper, afraid to hear the answer. The dread fills my body and makes me feel heavy, like it is an actual weight on me. The dream couldn't have been right, little Replica can't be stuck with the ones that tortured him. Please, Kami, please let that not be true….

_Of course he is. Have I ever lied to you? _He laughs then, and the sound bounces around in my head and starts another headache. I raise a heavy arm to try to hold my head up, the pain is starting to climb quickly… _Hah, don't answer that. But really, baby boy toy is here with me. I'm sure I could arrange some sort of meeting for you in your dreams again. I guess that last one wasn't enough for you. I don't mind~ _As the darkness speaks it also takes away my vision. I can no longer see the cabinets or the counter around me. Cloud is gone and I'm left in the pit of darkness, like I'm blind.

"No! No, no, I don't want that… Let him go. He's innocent. The little one didn't do anything you bastard!" I pull at my hair in frustration, knowing my commands do nothing to save him. "It isn't his fault he was created, he didn't want to be a puppet or a copy…"

I feel hands on my wrists, but I try to yank them away. I don't want the darkness touching me, it is disgusting. "Get your filthy hands off of me, darkness!" It doesn't listen and rips my hands out of my hair, but it leaps back when I rip into the skin of the hand with my nails. I feel the blood dripping from my fingers and feel a small amount of triumph. There is yelling I can't understand and then there are arms circling around me, holding my arms at my sides so that I can't fight against the darkness. "Fuck you! You said you wouldn't touch me! Get off of me now!" I try to kick against the body holding me but it does nothing, so I try to kick where I know the darkness used to be when I clawed it. I can see nothing still but after a few kicks I succeed in making contact with something.

_Ooh, scary Riku. My door is shaking, I assure you. _The darkness laughs and the grip tightens. _What are you going to do about it, bunk buddy? You can't save the kid. You can't even save yourself. You are helpless in those arms around you, right? How do you expect to save someone else like that?_

"I don't know but I'm not going to let you get away with that! Don't you dare fucking touch him, I'll destroy you! I'll destroy every last piece of darkness in this whole damn world!"

The darkness really doesn't like that idea; I can feel a deep ripple throughout the dark that makes my stomach churn. _What about you? You are stained with darkness, Riku. Even when you destroy me I'll still linger inside you. Go on, say it, what can you do about that? __**Nothing. **_

"I'll slit my own throat if it means getting rid of you, darkness. I want nothing to do with you. Do you hear me? I want _nothing _to do with you and I'll do whatever it takes to destroy you!" The arms around me tighten again and I scream, struggling to get out of it's hold. I want nothing to do with the darkness, I just want to get away from it and be back in reality.

_I'm touched, Riku! Would you really kill yourself over me? _

"Yes! Are you happy? If I knew it would end you I'd carve out my tainted heart with a keyblade, I'd slit my wrists again, I'd swallow every pill in this damned house.. I'd do whatever it takes to get you to stay the fuck away! So just leave, damn it!"

_Oh, I got what I wanted. I'll do as you ask, Riku. Do enjoy yourself~ _The darkness quickly retreats but the grip around me doesn't, if anything it gets tighter. Before I can ask the darkness what it is talking about my vision returns with a blinding flash of light, and when I can see straight again I am shocked into silence.

Sora's arms are the ones holding me. Cloud has three bloody scratches running down his arm and Leon is walking with an obvious limp because something hurt his leg. It tricked me; the darkness fucking tricked me…

Cloud is the first to notice I'm not going crazy anymore. He quickly covers the arm that I haven't stopped staring at and walks towards me, seeming wary of my legs. "Riku, are you back?" He waits until I slowly nod to step up to me, and after a second I feel his fingers running through my hair. It's oddly comforting, but I try to resist the urge to feel relief at it. I don't deserve that, I hurt them….

"He scratched himself a little and there is a little blood, but it is nothing bad. His hair will have a bit of red roots until his next shower, but that is the extent of the damage." He steps away again and nods to Sora. "You can let go of him now." He seems oddly uncomfortable, and I don't notice why until the arms around me let go. Sora grabs me and spins me around roughly, making my stomach churn again.

I'm so shocked by the look of anger and pain from him that my legs nearly give out. I never thought I'd see that much hatred on Sora, much less directed at _me…._

He doesn't say a word. He just grabs me by the cut wrist and drags me out of the room, ignoring my weak attempt at pulling myself away. Leon and Cloud make no move to stop him and Sora hurriedly forces me to follow him into my room. I'm thrown inside and the door slams loudly, and I can do nothing but stare at the carpet and listen to Sora's heavy breathing in front of me.

He's furious, it seems he's incapable of speech. The moment he's not holding me his hands are clenched into fists and I can tell he's itching to hit something. And for the first time I realize if he hits me he'll actually do damage. He's deadly now, and he's angry at me.

"S-sora, I'm sorry. I d-didn't mean to hurt them and…" It seems I'm as incapable as him. My voice is shaking and I can't get a sentence out. I'm afraid, I realize with a shock. I'm afraid of what Sora will do.

"Riku, I swear to fucking DiZ if you ever make a single attempt at killing yourself I'll make you _wish _you died." He growls in a voice far deeper than what should come out of Sora and my eyes widen, all I can do is stare at him with what I'm sure is an idiotic expression of shock. "You swore to me you'd never do that months ago, when I first heard about these nightmares. And if you think you are going back on that and you are just going to off yourself then I'm not going to let you!" He's screaming now, hands waving in wild motions. A fist gets a bit too close for comfort and I backpedal, landing on the relative safety of my bed.

He's angry about what I said? Not because I hurt them, but because I told the darkness I'd kill myself… "I-I-I, I'm sorry, I didn't, I don't…" I still can't get a proper sentence out and Sora does that scary growl again, stalking forward and yanking me back onto my feet to face him. I can tell he's wearing shoes right now; he's just as tall as I am. "I-I-"

"Shut up, Riku." I obey immediately, almost thankful that he gave me the order. Maybe I could apologize better without words, but how? I could only think of one way and that wasn't exactly something I wanted to do… "I want you to listen to me very closely. I will not let the most important person in my life stop living. You told me you wanted to fight and damn it, you will! I can't lose you, Riku! I don't know what I'd do if you tried to kill yourself… Just hearing that makes me go insane."

He holds up a hand, showing me just how bad he is trembling from the mere thought. "You are my life. If you die I won't hold up very long on my own. So I was serious when I said that, Riku. If you ever try to fucking kill yourself you won't just have to deal with the darkness, you'll have to deal with me too! And-" He's starting to get himself worked up again, I can tell. The growl is back in his voice and it _hurts _knowing that I made him that angry and gave him that much pain. So I do the only thing I know I can do to stop him.

I throw my arms around his neck, pull him close, and kiss him. It takes him a second to process what I did, and for a second he's screaming against my lips. But in just a few seconds his arms are around me, hands holding me hard enough to bruise and he's kissing back so hard I feel like I'm going to shatter. He's still growling vague threats as he kisses me and I can hear several growls of 'mine' I'm sure are directed at the darkness, but I can't really hear them. I'm lost in the mind and body numbing kiss. I can't breathe but I don't want this to end. The nearly unbearable pressure makes me feel better. The pain is some sort of retribution for what I did to them, and I find myself pressing against Sora harder in an attempt to tighten his hold.

It works. I gasp as he shoves me against the door and his growls are louder now, the possession clearer than before. His lips leave mine and then he's biting, ripping my apron shirt off and leaving marks across my shoulders. He yanks my hands away from his body and presses them against the door with so much force I feel like the cuts will start bleeding again, but I can't tell him because his lips are back against mine and all I can think about is his kiss.

His hips drive into mine with a force I wasn't prepared for and he easily swallows my startled moan in the kiss, not relenting on the pressure that he's started. And although I can't deny it feels mind-numbingly good, it hurts. The wound on my back is still very much fresh, the bruises and other cuts scattered across me are burning, and the memory of Older Riku pinning me down keeps surfacing.

I hardly recognize the whimper that comes out of me as my own. It isn't the usual sound that Sora brings out of me- this is one more of fear. My hands are shaking now and my legs give out, and he easily grabs me and holds me up. He stills all movements and watches me carefully, his breath mixing with my own heavy breathing as his lips are only inches from mine. "Riku?"

"I-I…" I still can't speak and I'm getting frustrated with myself. I'm stopping Sora from getting what he obviously wants and I can't believe it. I'm so stupid, letting what the Replica did scare me like this. Sora did nothing, he doesn't deserve this.

Sora wipes away tears I didn't notice were falling and gives me a worried look. "Riku, it's okay. I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. You kissed me and I just needed to feel you, I didn't think…" He kisses away a few more tears and then he sets me upright again, disappearing from view to find my shirt. He returns only seconds later and hands it to me, letting me slip it on. He notices the ashamed blush across my cheeks and down my neck and he sighs, pulling me back to my bed and making me sit down once I'm clothed. "Look at me."

I pull my gaze away from the black sheets and meet his eyes, still expecting to see that fury and pain there. It seems to be gone for now, but I now he's still feeling it. He has to be. "I understand, Riku. I need you to hear that. If I had somebody trying to do that I'd be a little nervous too… I'm sorry. I promise I'll be more careful with you, and I swear to you that it is okay. I don't mind. I've waited four years to get to this point, I think I can wait a little longer."

He kisses my forehead again and starts to get up, but I quickly pull him back down. "Wh-what? Four years?! Since when? You've liked me that long?" I should have noticed by then. It was my goal to learn everything about Sora and I damn sure never saw that he liked me.

"Well, let's see… I'm seventeen now, and I said four years…. So I think it has been since I was thirteen, Riku." He gives me a cheeky grin when I can do nothing more than gape at him. "Oh, and I've always known I'd be the dominant one, even then."

What. The. Fuck. "Uh…. Huh?"

He laughs and pulls me closer, nuzzling the top of my head. I hold back a laugh when I see the flour falling from my hair and onto my bed sheets. "Well, you never really made any effort to date anyone did you? You always acted like you knew what to do, so everyone assumed you did, but in reality you were as clueless as the rest of us. Maybe even more so. So, I knew I had to learn everything so I could teach you one day. It was pretty obvious that you wouldn't be making any effort to figure the dating and relationship stuff out."

Sora planned this shit the whole time. What the hell? He was _always _this devious little, er, big, bastard? This made no sense. I'm not sure I can adjust to that information. And the thought of little innocent thirteen year old Sora picturing dominating me is just… Wrong. Embarrassing.

Sora grins and kisses my cheeks again before standing from the bed, this time without me pulling him back. "I hope you realize one kiss won't get you off the hook. I'll be watching you, Riku. But… I am sorry about the way I acted." He bends down to hug me and he stiffens when his hands brush across my back. "Fuck! I made you bleed again!"

"Sora, I'm fine…" I mumble, but he doesn't pay attention. Before I have a hope of defending myself he has rolled me onto my stomach and shoved my shirt up to check out the damage to my back. Didn't he _just _apologize for doing this earlier?

"Aw, shit, I'm sorry! I didn't realize I was doing it that hard… Maybe I shouldn't be allowed to touch you when I'm mad…"

"What did you do, Sora?"

He gives a nervous laugh and starts wiping at the blood running down my back. "Well, uh, you might not want to go shirtless for a while…"

"That isn't an answer, Sora! What did you do?" I hear my voice rising just slightly in pitch and Sora groans something about women before eventually answering me.

"You sort of have Sora prints on you now, Ku. I grabbed you so hard I kind of left hand prints… And there are marks on your shoulders too…" What the hell? He was on me for like two minutes! He left that much evidence?

I bury my face into the pillow, trying to hide my embarrassed blush. "Just get the gauze out of my bathroom and wrap it around me. Maybe you can hide all of it…" Sora laughs again and jumps off the bed, going into the bathroom. It isn't until he's gone that I realize just how much that did actually hurt. I didn't feel the bruises when he was making them, but I could definitely feel them now that I wasn't quite as distracted. My face burned in embarrassment and I shoved my head back into the blanket, groaning. "Why me?"

Sora laughed from the bathroom, still searching through my medicine cabinet to find the gauze. "Maybe because your boyfriend doesn't really have good self-control when he's angry and he's really, really sorry?"

I hear a dissatisfied huff from behind me and give a rather girly scream, jumping up and actually falling off of my bed. I can hear Cloud laughing from the other side and I groan again, refusing to get up from the floor. I actually consider crawling under the bed and hiding from them, but I lose the option when Leon comes on the other side of my bed to raise an eyebrow at me. "Care to explain, Riku?"

"Why do you always need an explanation? Fuck, man, I'm not having sex!" His eyebrow raises higher and after a moment of looking down at myself I guess I can't really blame him this time. I _did _have Sora's handprints on me and we did almost do… something like sex, at least. Not quite sure what it is, exactly, but it has to be similar to sex. "Soraaaaaaa."

Said menace enters with a smirk, understanding the whiney tone. The smirk quickly falls when he realizes he'll have to explain his handprints on me to Leon, who is holding his gunblade and doesn't look happy. "Well, uh, see, I was…" He sighs and hands Leon the gauze, showing he wants Leon to touch me so he doesn't have to. "I was stupid and got caught up in the moment. I was still furious at what Riku said and when he kissed me to get me to stop I grabbed him too hard and now he's bruised even more and bleeding and… fuck. I screwed up. I scared him too."

Cloud shakes his head. "It's understandable, So. I mean, I've left handprints on Leon before. Even if it was on purpose…" He laughs at Leon's glare at him, and ruffles Sora's hair. "You know to control yourself better now. But, I'm warning you bro, if there are more bruises on that kid while he's still healing I'll help Leon run you through with the gunblade. It's cool this time because you didn't know about the whole angry sex thing. But next time you'll have to deal with us."

"Oh, God, can we please stop talking about this? Please?" I beg, standing and grabbing the gauze out of Leon's hand. "I'll do this myself, no one needs to touch me, okay?" I try to go into the bathroom but there are three sets of hands on me immediately, though one pair of hands releases almost as soon as they touch me.

"You are not to be alone." Leon tells me, not even acknowledging me as I roll my eyes. "You said 'I'd slit my wrists _again'_, didn't you?" He grabs my wrist and takes off the wrappings, having to wipe a bit of blood off to clearly see. ". . . I was correct, Cloud. They are too perfect for a struggle."

I can hear Sora's deep growl and yank my wrist out of Leon's grip, pulling the long sleeves back over it. "Fine, fine, don't leave me alone. But I only need one person to bandage me!" Cloud seems to understand how bad Sora's growl hurts somehow, so he pulls Sora away. Sora struggles against him for a moment but Cloud succeeds in pulling him out and shuts the door behind them.

Leon motions for me to remove my shirt and I do as I'm told, trying not to look at his disapproving glare directed at the handprints. "I can't do it, you know. Not anymore. So you can stop looking at me like that, it won't be happening anytime soon…"

He sighs as he starts to wrap gauze around my torso. "I can't believe I'm asking this, but, why not? Is everything… okay?" He realizes he's still glaring and softens his gaze, looking more concerned than anything as he wraps the bandage a little tighter than is necessary.

I feel my face heating and look away before forcing myself to look at him. I wasn't going to be weak about this. If I had to say I was afraid, fine. But it's ridiculous to be afraid and keep acting like a scared little girl! "Once Sora gets to actually touching me I see the Replica and cannot continue. My hands were shaking and my legs gave out on me, and I was unable to hold back the sounds showing how afraid I was. So I say again, you don't have to worry. Can we please drop it now?"

"That is odd. I hate the idea of you unable to, ah, continue more than the idea of you already having… completed. I certainly didn't expect that." He shakes his head and rips the gauze, tucking the loose end into one of the folds and then placing some tape over it. "I will drop it for now, though. But… if you have any questions you can ask me. It will be awkward for both of us, but it would be better than you asking Sora."

He gently picks up my wrist and it hurts to see how upset he is when he looks at the ten cuts caused by me. "Those vertical ones actually were him, if it helps any." I can tell it doesn't, though he doesn't say anything. He just carefully starts to wrap what is left of the gauze around my wrist, like this part of me is so close to shattering he can't put too much pressure on me. "I didn't do it to kill myself."

"I'm sorry, I thought that was the only reason someone would slit their wrists so deep and then hide it. Forgive my ignorance." I'm caught off guard by the heated anger in his reply, but he quickly calms himself much faster than I thought possible. He seems to feel genuinely guilty for the outburst and sighs again, trying to apologize.

"Don't. I deserve it. I was stupid." He definitely doesn't seem to want to challenge that, and I feel a tiny smile at the thought. Yea, he thinks I'm stupid. And I don't blame him. "The darkness said I could get rid of it by draining it out. So I tried it. And it helped. So I kept doing it until I got dizzy and Sora started knocking on the door. I only did it once, I swear."

That seems to make Leon feel a little better at least. "Well, for future reference Riku, please assume the darkness is lying to you. Ask Cloud, Sora, or myself to validate your plans of helping yourself before you jump straight into things." I quickly nod, agreeing to his plan.

"Okay. I think if I value my freedom at all I'll have to agree to that, huh?" Leon chuckles and nods, returning his attentions to my wrist. His grip is a little more sure now and he isn't quite as careful with me, though he's still obviously worried about hurting me. "Hey, Leon? What am I going to do about school? My parents wanted me to finish, I need to… And Sora is missing way too much because of this, he needs to go back as soon as possible."

"You are both homeschooled. While you were out for two days Cloud had someone fax the paperwork to the school. They got back to us yesterday, telling us they understood. It seems everyone realizes you and Sora aren't quite yet able to adjust to life on this island. So we will be your teachers for most subjects, and Kairi will visit weekly once you feel up to it. In the meantime, Axel will tutor you both."

He doesn't say it, but I can tell what he's not saying. _We won't let Kairi come over until we are sure you won't hurt her. Axel can handle It if you go crazy. _

". . . Okay. I never liked school much anyway. Sora has to be pretty disappointed, though. He liked being able to see all of his friends throughout the day." Leon shakes his head and finishes up with my wrist, giving the gauze the same treatment as the bit around my torso.

"Actually he was quite excited. He says too many people tried to steal your attention during the day, and he's glad you two can learn together now. He was very frustrated with the fact that you were a year above him."

I can't help a little laugh at the thought. Yea, that is definitely something Sora would say. "Alright. So what do we do now?"

"Now we go eat. Cloud managed to save the pancakes after our distraction, but if we don't hurry I'm sure they'll all be gone. Cloud eats enough on his own, but coupled with Sora I'm sure there will not be much food left." Leon laughs and leaves the room, stopping me before I can follow. "Do put on a shirt, Riku. I'd much rather not look at the evidence of Sora's hands on you." He grins at my reddening face and I run to my wardrobe, yanking on the first shirt I see. It's short sleeved and I nearly take it off and pull on a long sleeved one to cover my wrist, but Leon stops me. "Leave it. You'll need to explain to Sora anyway. Those scars won't go away so he'll need to get used to them."

I hate that he's right but nod and follow after him, feeling my stomach growl as I smell the food cooking. Leon laughs as he sees Cloud attempting to fit an entire pancake in his mouth. "Will you slow down, Cloud?! You are going to choke if you keep that up!"

Cloud mumbles something in return that I'm sure is supposed to be some sort of perverted comment but the mass of pancake in his mouth means we can't understand it. Leon smiles and goes to sit next to him, taking some of the pancakes off his plate. Cloud yells some sort of muffled protest but Leon just replies with, "Oh, shut it. You'll become a fat ass if you eat all of this. You can share a little!"

I roll my eyes at the two of them and take a seat next to Sora, who is barely picking at his food. One hand lays in his lap, resting across his thigh and after a second I reach under the table and squeeze his hand, giving him a little smile. He can't help but to smile back and I lean over to kiss him on the cheek as he holds my hand.

His smile widens and he understands that I forgive him, and in the same instant I know that he forgives me too. "We'll talk later." I promise, and he agrees.

"But for now we just sit and enjoy this." I nod my own agreement and we start eating, still listening to Leon and Cloud joking with each other and fighting over the last pancake and not releasing our still connected hands.


	14. Chapter 14

"Leon, if you don't want your gunblade hidden while you sleep you'll give that pancake back!" Cloud yells, trying to keep some sort of angry look aimed at Leon. Leon gives a look I recognize using myself before, a seemingly innocent look that says 'who, me?' "Come on, Leon, it was mine, I claimed it!"

Leon laughs and takes a bite of it. "Nope, that's not happening." He says, grinning widely. He tries to take another bite but Cloud reaches forward with a speed I find myself envious of and rips the food out of Leon's grip. "Hey!"

This goes on for several more minutes, both men ignoring the exaggerated eye rolling and groaning from me and Sora. After a moment I get tired of it and take one of my pancakes, throwing it onto Leon's plate. The sound of the pancake slamming into the plate gets their attention and Leon looks down at his plate, confused for a second. "There, are you guys okay now? Just eat your food so we can have a normal meal for once." _I don't know how many chances I'll get to have one. _I mentally finish, but make no outward indications of what I'm thinking.

There is a short argument about me needing the food more than them, but I win fairly quickly. I had too much food anyway, after eating so little for the past few days I couldn't imagine eating everything on this plate on my own. So after a few minutes the silence is back and I start to relax again. It was nice to actually sit down and eat with everyone. With the threat of insanity and an eternity with darkness looming, I didn't know how many meals like this I'd be able to have. In case things didn't work out in this fight I needed all the memories like this I could get. Soon remembering this might be the only refuge I have. . .

I don't realize I'm crying until Sora's hand lets go of mine and he turns me to face him, wiping my tears away. I hate myself for showing how upset I am, but when Sora pulls me closer it is hard to hold back. "Hey, Riku, it's okay. Don't worry, we are right here. Nothing is going to happen to you."

Leon shoves his chair away from the table and in seconds he's on my other side, hugging me and Sora. I can feel the guilt coming off of him in waves and feel horrible for it, but I can't stop. Even though I manage to make no sound the tears still fall and my shoulders are shaking with every sob and I hate it. "Riku. . . "

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm doing this…" I whisper against Sora's shoulder, wrapping my arms around his neck and hiding my face from them. I know why I'm crying, but for now I can let them think that this is all from the darkness. I don't want to have to deal with the false hope. I can't stand the pain of hoping one second and then feeling the darkness inside me the next, taking over or manipulating me into doing what it wants.

Leon starts to respond but his phone rings, the blaring sound of an old fashioned phone startling all of us. Without looking at who has called Leon tosses the thing to Cloud, not moving away from me and Sora. "Be me."

Cloud nods and answers the phone, stepping out of the room just as he gives a surprisingly good impression. "This is Leon. Talk." For a moment I'm caught in trying to figure out how many times they have used that on me, but the tightening of Sora's arms around my waist brings me back to reality and shows me that I'm apparently not done crying.

"Stop holding back already." Leon tells me, his hands rubbing circles into my back above Sora's hands in an attempt at relaxing me. "It's like being sick, Riku. If you hold all this in it will only get worse." His voice is maddeningly calm and I hate it.

"How many times have I broken down or gotten upset already, Leon? I'm sick of it, I'm sick of being this weak!" My voice has started cracking and I try to get out of the hug, but I'm stuck there now. Sora's grip around me tightens and he doesn't let me pull even an inch away.

Leon sighs, his hot breath hitting the top of my head. "We can't make him open up to us when he doesn't want to, Sora. We told him, now we have to let him go." He releases me but Sora's glare is back and he's obviously not pleased with the idea.

"Damn it, Riku! Why can't you let us help you?"

Before I can respond, Cloud is back. I can just barely turn my head to see him, but it is enough. I can tell something is wrong. The way he hands Leon back his phone and then smiles at us is _wrong. _He's hiding something that came during that phone call. "Cloud? Who was that on the phone?"

Leon looks down at the phone and there is a flash of pain across his face for only a second, but it is enough. There was intense pain and sadness in that look. Something Cloud left on the phone wasn't good, and it was starting to freak me out. "Leon, you okay?" Sora asks, finally letting go of me to check on him. I can't move, I am too worried about what might be wrong. Was it something about the darkness? Did something happen in Radiant Garden? "Leon, come on, you are freaking me out a little bit."

The dread knots in my stomach when I feel the darkness purring. Something is wrong. Something is very, very wrong. "Cloud, Leon, one of you start talking now!" I find the ability to move again, spurred by the dread that is quickly turning into terror. Something happened. The darkness would be messing with me by now normally. It is _watching me. _It wants to see my reaction to what it did.

I grab Cloud by the shoulders and shake him, hearing my voice cracking again and feeling the tears starting over again. _Death. _There was death. My hands start shaking when I run through the list of who it could be, every possibility worse than the last. Yuffie, Arieth, Kairi, Donald, Goofy, Minnie, King Mickey. . . "Damn it, Cloud, _tell me! _Wh-who is dead?!"

All three of them finally look at me. Leon and Cloud are shocked, unable to fathom how I could figure it out. The darkness purrs again inside me and I know I'm right. My hands are clutching at Cloud's shirt, fingers trembling. I barely make out Sora's confusion through the haze my mind is entering. "Dead? Someone died?!"

Leon does what is supposed to be a sigh, but it sounds more like he's in pain now and the terror grows. What if it isn't dead, but dying? Could Leon or Cloud be dying right now? "Riku. . . I really don't think you should be asking about it. You need to focus on being normal, not on dea-"

I release Cloud's shoulders and turn on Leon, growling. "Don't you dare use that as an excuse, Leon. I don't exactly feel stable right now and I guarantee I could force a name out of you before anyone stopped me. Tell me now who died. I _feel _it, I need to know. It won't rest until I do know." Leon actually flinches at the glare I'm giving him and he does another pained breath, sliding into a chair and holding his head in his hands.

Sora's shouts of confusion are almost too loud to hear, but I see Leon's lips moving, forming the last word I thought he would. My entire being goes numb when I see the name he gives me, and I can't think, I can't react. I can't even breathe. What little air I can get is short, shallow breaths that aren't enough to keep me conscious.

"N-n-n-n-n!" I am unable to complete even the simple denial 'no', I can say no more than a single syllable at a time, repeating it endlessly. I'm a broken record. My head is fuzzy, I can't think. I can only see Leon's lips uttering the same name, over and over and over. My entire world is darkness except for Leon's lips, telling me the last name I ever thought I'd see.

The last direct connection to my parents.

The last of my family.

She's dead.

"_Tachi." _


	15. Chapter 15

**Violence. Death. **

Sora tells me that I started screaming after my world went black, but I don't remember. He, Leon, and Cloud all swear that I sounded like I was dying too, and for a while they thought I was. They told me that I couldn't breathe, and I told them that it hurt too much. I don't remember any of it.

I just remember the darkness coiled up inside me, radiating pleasure from what it was doing to me, from what it did to _her. _The little sister I hardly got to know because of it. I realize with a sickening feeling that I don't even know her favorite color. It changed every week, and lately I had been so caught up in the darkness and the nightmares…

My little sister is dead. I barely knew the tiny little girl who trusted her big brother to keep her protected, and now she is dead. She is dead because of **me. **I killed her.

There is no time for blissful denial, like Sora goes through. He doesn't believe it at first, he screams at Leon and demands that he take it back and tell us the truth. He's terrified by my reactions and the fact that Leon and Cloud are completely and totally silent except for the word Leon won't stop repeating. Tachi, Tachi, Tachi, **Tachi. **

I want to deny it. I want to scream that they are liars and I want to scare Leon again. I want to growl and grab him by his shoulders and shake him until he tells me where Tachi is hiding so that I can find her and I can see this is all just some sick joke they thought would loosen the darkness's hold on me. For half a second I'm sure this is the plan. For one blissful second I think that the joy of seeing Tachi alive is coming soon, and that it will rip me away from the darkness. The light from that one tiny life will get rid of the darkness inside me.

But then the darkness ripples again, laughing at me. It is completely silent; it doesn't even let me hear the sounds of Cloud trying to calm down Sora. All I hear is her name. Tachi, Tachi, Tachi. . .

At some point my legs do give out and I land on the floor, but I don't feel the pain from the fall. I'm not even aware that my head slammed into the ground until I make out the fuzzy shapes around me as the floor. I can't feel the cold tile on my cheek, I can't feel the hands on me but I know they are there as I'm lifted back up.

I can tell I'm hurt but I don't know if it is physical or if it is still in this mental hell I'm stuck in. I can hear my breathing and it is pained. Something is wrong with me now too. I was hurt before, maybe this could finish me off. Maybe it will bring me to Tachi. I **know **what will happen to her. She joined the little Replica. Isn't that right, Darkness? You took her away from me so you could use her.

The darkness doesn't speak, but I understand it well enough now. It's like we are linked, what it thinks I know. I 'hear' that the wound isn't enough to kill me but I don't listen. Maybe if I ignore that fact it will do it anyway. I have to save her.

I hear the darkness again, feel in the happy purr that radiates through me that it is too late. She is gone and with it. Tachi is gone. The darkness has that tiny, defenseless little girl. And she's screaming for help. I can hear her screams, I can hear her begging for big brother and Daddy to save her. She doesn't even understand that our parents are dead yet. She still thinks Daddy can save her. She still believes **I **can save her.

Sora tells me later that I was screaming for him too. He says that I passed out after I hit my head and I was screaming for Daddy and Leon. Leon went crazy trying to wake me up and get me away from whatever I was seeing, but I was stuck in this until the darkness wanted me to wake up. I was under it's power again.

I don't even recognize the transition between conscious and unconsciousness. It is seamless. Both places for me are dark. I can't bring myself out of it, I can't open my eyes. I can't get rid of the pain and guilt and terror for what is being done to Tachi right now. My little sister. The one who still sleeps with the teddy bear that Mom put silver hair on, telling her that it was the brave big brother she hadn't yet met.

Every night she fell asleep listening to the stories of my adventures. My parents didn't know what happened to me until Kairi went back to the island, and when she got back she lied to them. She told them I fought by Sora's side. She told them I was a hero. So Tachi's first few months of life were bedtimes filled with Mommy and Daddy and her teddy bear big brother. She was safe and happy and everything was fine.

But that is gone now. Our parents died, I came back broken, and for the first few months of my return I couldn't take care of her. I wasn't capable. She went from Sora's house to Kairi's, somehow always crying and eager to see Big Brother. I couldn't even function normally myself but she thought I'd keep her safe because Mom told her I would. She always wanted me to be the one to tuck her in, she wanted me to be there when she woke up because she was safe and happy when I was there.

I'm afraid to ask but the darkness knows what I want to ask. How did you kill her, what did you do to her. It hears the plea that he at least made her death an easy one. It isn't hard to do, when I had to kill to save Sora I could make someone die easily enough.

How many times did I make someone feel like this to save Sora? How many times was I the reason that someone else couldn't pull themselves out of the darkness? I was no better than what I wanted so badly to get away from.

_A park. The one just a few blocks away from Kairi's house. It has just started raining, the little rain drops covering the park and the concrete around it. I can hear two girls laughing and giggling, shrieking as they try to find cover. _

_My view of the park expands and I can see Kairi and Tachi. _

No. Darkness, no. Please. I don't want to see this, I can't. Just answer my question, please. Just tell me if you made her suffer. Don't make me watch this. I can't.

_They are running to the park, ducking under the roof of one of the small houses. Tachi is smiling so happily it __**hurts. **__She's hugging her little arms around Kairi's neck and asking 'mommy' if they can go play. She doesn't care if it is raining, she just wants to get on the swing she loves so much. _

_Kairi isn't sure. She thinks about it, peeks out and checks the clouds to see how bad the rain is going to get. She doesn't see it as too bad, and even though I know what is going to happen I agree with her. The clouds are nothing more than a light gray, it obviously won't be raining for very long now. There is no trace of bad weather, so there is no danger. _

_There is no one around either. I can't possibly imagine how this is going to end and I'm terrified of every little sound that I can hear. Will this be what kills my little sister? _

I try to shut out the movie running through my head but I can't. Sora later tells me that I was screaming her name and begging her to run. He says that I sounded terrified, worse than he'd ever heard. I can't get away from this, I'm going to have to see the last connection to my parents die. I'm going to have to watch my little sister die.

_With no warning, a storm begins. I flinch at every roar of thunder. Every flash of lightning makes me scream. Will that be what takes away my tiny little sister? Will she be shocked by the lightning and roasted in front of me and Kairi? _

_Kairi yells to Tachi that it is time to go home. In seconds it went from fairly sunny and light rain to a storm with winds so strong it mutes her words. I can hardly hear Tachi's little reply but I find myself straining to hear every last word from her. I don't know which one will be the last ones I ever hear from my tiny baby sister. _

_Tachi does as Kairi tells her. She pulls her silver hair into the scrunchie she wears around her wrist and jumps out of the swing, taking Kairi's hand and leading the way to Kairi's house. I'm screaming at her, trying to make them see me and stop, but they don't listen. Little Tachi smiles up at Kairi with those green eyes that look so much like our mother that it hurts. She strains her little voice, yelling to be heard over the storm. 'Don't worry, Mommy, I'll get us home safe! I'm strong, like big brother Riku! I can do it!' _

_Kairi laughs and nods, hurrying the pace. She doesn't like being out here either. She's soaked. Her school uniform is plastered to her skin now and her red hair is completely flattened. 'You sure are, Tachi. Riku would be proud of you.' _

I am. I was always proud of you, Tachi. I love you. You are the strongest little woman I ever met; you are- **were** the strongest person I know. You are amazing. You got dealt such a crap hand in life and you never complained and you were always happy like you are now… Please don't die. Change this. I'm begging you, Tachi. If anyone can change this you can. Speed up, turn around, **do something. **Fuck, darkness, this hurts. Make it stop. I can't do this. Don't make me watch this.

_They are crossing the road now. They don't see the car until it is too late. I'm screaming at them to run, my throat is raw and my voice seems to have broken because no sound comes from me. The car doesn't honk, it makes no move to break or swerve out of the way. _

_Kairi sees them at the last second and grabs Tachi. She wants to throw her out of the way but we both realize it is too late. Kairi pulls the tiny body to her and shields her as best she can. The car hits them. Both girls scream as the car makes contact. The windshield shatters as Kairi's shoulder slams into it but she doesn't let go of Tachi. _

_They slam to the ground when the car hits the breaks and reverses. I'm screaming again even though no sound comes out, and I'm horrified to see who steps out of the car. It is my Ansem form. _

_Kairi can't see, she is going into shock already. But she fights like hell when the man tries to pull Tachi away from her. I can't help but feel a little bit of pride when Tachi, poor little innocent Tachi, hears Kairi screaming and tries to help. She's obviously hurt already, both of them are bleeding and broken, but her tiny body delivers blow after blow to the Ansem form. She leaves bloody gashes along his arms and bite marks and she fights for her life. She's doing a damned good job too. But it isn't enough. _

_I can't help, I can't move. I can only watch as the Ansem form grabs Kairi and throws her onto the sidewalk. Tachi and Kairi both scream and Kairi is crying now, but Tachi hasn't shed a single tear yet. She's screaming, thinking as the man walks away that he is going after Kairi. '__**Run, Kairi! Run!'**_

_She tries to say something else but the car speeds forward, running over her tiny body. I'm forced to look as her tiny body is crushed under the weight of the car. She screams and fuck, she's __**still screaming**__ when the car is over her. She's still alive, still trying to move. The wet ground is covered in her blood and she won't last long, but she won't stop screaming. She's crying and screaming again, begging for big brother. 'Why isn't he coming?! Riku! Big brother!" _

_I can hardly understand her now. Her words are mangled by the broken jaw. But before I can make out anything else the car reverses and this time she goes silent. Her tiny, crushed little body is just left in the road and the car speeds off, leaving them behind. _

_It takes Kairi a few minutes to gain control of her body again. She gets up and runs to Tachi, screaming her name. __**Tachi, Tachi, Tachi!**_

_But the tiny, bloody body does not stir. Kairi is afraid to touch her and then it is Kairi screaming. She picks up Tachi's broken body and she's almost immediately covered in blood and things I can't let myself think about. She's crying from the pain and from what she's seeing but she stands, carrying Tachi's body as best as she can. She stumbles off in the direction of her house, and It doesn't take long for a car to stop next to them. For one terrifying moment I think it is Ansem again but it is just a resident of the island. He knows who Kairi and Tachi are and he gets them into his car and drives off, most likely to the hospital. _

The scene finally stops and I'm left in the darkness of my mind again. The pain Is too much and I find myself getting sick from the images of Tachi's tiny body. How could anything do that to her? She was a _child_. An innocent child. Even something as evil as the darkness should have limits…

"_This is just the beginning, Riku." _


End file.
